Sunday, July 7, 2013

My S (part 4)

A few months ago, I got a text from my S. He was out of prison. He got out on an early release program a year early.

I was stunned. I had no idea he was home and had been for a couple of weeks by then. His family hadn't said anything to me.

I waited a full day before I texted him back because I was scared. This was a defining moment because I knew that I would never have the strength to stay away from him, but I also knew that I should.

After I texted him back, we never stopped. We talked, we laughed, we rehashed the past, I got my closure. And we joked about starting our second marriage. I was in love again. And my dream guy was back.

I flew out to see him for Thanksgiving and we were happy. We kissed every chance we got. We spent hours under the blankets talking about our relationship and loving each other.

This continued for a while. I flew out again for New Years and it seemed like all my dreams were coming true. I had my love, my dear S back and life had color in it again.

And then I got sick after my trip. I went to the doctor and I had a mild STD, Trichomoniasis. I called my S and told him and asked if he had been with anyone else. He said no and that maybe he had something for the last couple of years in prison and never knew about it. I was devastated immediately because I knew he was lying.

I asked again later that day and he kept proclaiming to have not been with anyone else since being home. He even went to far as to say that if I ever wanted to see his phone or his emails to just ask and if he wouldn't give me the password he was obviously hiding something.

I asked right then and there for the password to his email. He got defensive and paranoid and gave me three passwords to "try". None worked. My S got angry and got off the phone with me.

I used to know all of his passwords from years ago, so on a whim I tried his old email password and BAM. I was in. He has hundreds and hundreds of emails to prostitutes he had found on craigslist and I could see that he had been meeting up with many of them. I started printing them off immediately because I saw him log in also and start deleting things.

I told him the following day that I read his emails. He was furious. He didn't want to speak with me. And I was scared. I was losing him again, I could feel it.

He called later that night with all kinds of reasons why those emails weren't true. I knew his story was bogus, but I didn't want to lose him again, so I pretended to believe him.

We had a rough time, my S and I for a couple of months after that. I lost 15 pounds from the stress of it and I didn't know if we would make it.

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