Saturday, July 6, 2013

My S (Part 1)

I am in love with my S and we aren't even together currently. But he'll be back.

I met my beloved S eight years ago. I didn't know him well at the time, he was married with children and the brother of a good friend of mine. He struck me immediately. I was instantly attracted to him.

I should note here that at the time, he was overweight and although he was VERY handsome, not someone I would instantly want to be with.

But there was something almost magnetic about him that made me want to be next to him. Nothing ever happened between us back then, I just admired him from afar and because he was married I never would have attempted anything.

A couple of years later, he was going through a divorce and suddenly was around quite a bit. It didn't take us long to establish a relationship. It just seemed natural and easy. He was even more attractive to me now, he had lost all of the excess weight and he looked incredible. The magnetic pull was there again instantly.

We fell in love. I say we, because I know my S loved me too. Maybe not in the same way that I loved him, but it was love. We spent every waking minute together, 8-10 hours per day. When we weren't together, we were on the phone or texting. It was all very romantic and consuming. I loved every minute of it.

Things went well like this for a few months before I noticed that things were not always what they seemed. He talked of job searching and would even make up job interviews. I only noticed this because others would ask him specifics and they never matched up to his other stories. I chalked it up to him just not really looking for a new job.

Ultimately, I found him a new job. The pay was good, the environment was perfect for him...he took to it well. I was happy to have done something good for my man and life seemed great.

Until he started disappearing. He would go days without talking to me or seeing me which was so unlike what our relationship had been. When I questioned him, his excuses were always work. Then eventually it turned into excuses that he was going through a lot emotionally and needed space.

I gave him a month of my life, waiting to see what would happen. He wasn't ending it with me, but he was also not giving me any indication that he wanted to continue.

Then I discovered that he was sleeping with a woman who was married to his best friend. I saw cell phone bills with her number plastered all over it...then I found out he was sleeping with a woman from work. I went crazy. Why not just break up with me if you want to be with other women, just GO. Don't string me along.

I confronted him, he denied it. Made excuses for the phone bills, blamed me for even looking at them and turned it all around to be my fault because I got into his business and saw something that I shouldn't have.

Twisted, right?

I was miserable. When we did finally break up, he told me that he needed space to get through some things he was dealing with and that he wanted us to be together again, it just wasn't the time now. I didn't believe him for an instant and I went on a rage of misery and investigative work to find out where these other women lived, when he was with them, etc.

I realize now that I wanted closure. I never got it and it drive me mad.

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