Sometimes it Actually Does Hurt

I write mostly about why I love my S so much or ways that I have discovered how to deal with being in a relationship with my S, but there are times when it is extremely painful for me. For the most part I have learned how to accept who he is and live in a fantasy world, but tonight isn't one of those nights.

Over 1000 miles away, my dad is in the hospital and it is awful for me. I moved a few months ago for a job offer. I felt ok accepting the position because he seemed to be doing better. He suffers from a traumatic brain injury that happened about three years ago. He had a lot of ups and mostly downs for the first couple of years and then sort of leveled off.

But I got a call from my brother saying that he fell a day ago and nobody knew. Which means my dad had been laying on the floor of his apartment for an entire day because of a seizure and he had with no one to help him.

Breaks my heart. And there's nothing I can do.

After being reassured that things are fine for now, I call my S. I want to hear his voice. I want to just have him say that he loves me and ask if I am doing ok.

But no. He's not answering my calls or texts.

It sucks at times my dear E's. I'll admit it.

It's the life I have chosen to live but tonight I am wishing I had another choice.

How to: Identify a Sociopath

So, you think you think you might have a cow-worker/boss/friend/lover/spouse/neighbor/parent who is Sociopath. You've gone through all the checklists and you've just about narrowed it down.

Here's even more identifying ways to figure out if you are dealing with an S or just a crazy normal person.

The following is an excerpt from Thomas Sheridan Arts that I think is a pretty fantastic and comprehensive list of ways to identify a Sociopath. His entire website is a great source of information, so if you like this, give his other stuff a glance.

THE REVEAL

If you experienced the following behaviour while in a relationship, or working with this person—then you probably knew a psychopath: 

Invented Personas to Manipulate Others 

Psychopaths are a different version of themselves for every person they interact with. They also have ‘group personas’ for family, organisational and workplace interaction. 

Highly Unreliable/Broken Promises 

Psychopaths will make the most incredibly ambitious plans including you as their right hand man or woman—then, on a whim, discard those plans and move on to some other crusade that excludes you. Targets often alter their own life plans to help the psychopath reach their imaginary goals, resulting in appalling emotional, psychological and financial chaos for the victims when the psychopath moves on. 

Idealisation Followed by Cold Rejection 

At the height of their idealisation of you, the psychopath will show you obsessive ‘love,’ care and attention. However, once they feel they have you where they want you—or the relationship has ended—if you collapsed in front of them on the street they would simply step over you as if they’d never met you and continue on their way. Outrageous and very personal smear campaigns against the discarded targets to falsely portray them as psychologically unstable, self-serving liars or abusers are often undertaken by psychopaths following the ending of a relationship. 

Becomes Obsessed with a Hobby, Cause, or Individual and then Loses Interest Instantly 

However, as soon as the relationship is established, the downward trajectory from idealisation of their targets and towards the inevitable devaluation and discarding begins in earnest. It may take weeks. It may take months. It often takes years. Nevertheless the psychopath always begins the devaluing of their victims as soon as the relationship is legitimised and is always on the lookout for an ‘upgrade’. 

Phony Altruism 

Buys into either secular and non-secular belief systems to appear superior or enlightened. Will align themselves with ‘morally popular’ causes to make themselves appear enlightened and with a sense of deep moral wisdom and compassion. But it is always a pose; the psychopath’s association with these causes is a veneer to fool others into trusting them. It’s always fake; always an agenda. 

There is Nothing Real Behind the Persona 

Behind the months or years of perfectly-constructed performance by your psychopath is a nothing: a void, a blank, a hunger for something the psychopathic entity can never define. They now see no further benefit in playing this part and have moved on to a new role. It is just business. You are treated to a completely new, cold and emotionless persona. “Who is this stranger?” you will ask yourself over and over again. It is so bewildering. 

The Sudden Goodbye 

Then the psychopath finds an upgrade, changes their persona, will often change their look, fashions and even change the subject when they suspect others are figuring them out and you begin asking questions. "Hey, never mind that, it is lovely weather we are having!" Stated in a chipper and almost giddy manner (with an obvious underlying glibness). They are repressing the internal excitement at having pulled a fast one on you.

Why a Socio Will Always Cheat

Remember my Sociopath friend, N? We had an interesting email exchange not too long ago. He sent me a link to an article that he knew I would like and we started an exchange about Socios and why they cheat on their partners. Here's what went down.

Empath Queen:
Do you do it because you get bored? Do you remember having the conversation with me when I said that I would be ok with my husband/boyfriend sleeping with other people as long as he was using a condom and not potentially bringing a disease home to me and not creating relationships with these people? Just sex. Nothing else. I am reading that a lot of ASPD/Socio/Narc seem to think this is a great idea, however, they say they would still rather pretend to be exclusive with each of the people they are in a "relationship" with. That's interesting...even when given a way out of monogamy, they would still prefer to live the lie.

N:
I think some of it is boredom. In large part it's sincere though - I just get strong impulses and crave sex from a particular woman I may have discarded or at least put on the backburner. Sometimes they give it to me, sometimes they don't.

The impulse can last for a few minutes to a few weeks.

Also ASPD and sociopathy aren't synonymous.

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/antisocial-personality-disorder/psychopathy-and-antisocial-personality-disorder-case-diagnostic-confusion-0

In fact, I'm still not even clear on the division between sociopathy and psychopathy... in DSM-IV they're synonymous but the DSM is generally acknowledged as crap. Mixed usage among other resources

I see what you're saying, but that's probably not the way a sociopath would see it. It's about dominance and control - "I" can cheat and fuck whoever I want, but my partner can't

Also the "open relationship" you're describing sounds nice. No doubt if a woman would offer me that, I would probably stay with her (assuming she interests and attracts me otherwise of course) for a long time.

But you can't put much faith in the sustainability of that. A real psychopath isn't going to care about the caveats (wear a condom; don't form a relationship; etc.)

They may tell you they are abiding by the rules, but at the end of the day, psychopaths abhor rules and feel above them - no matter where the rules are coming from.

I think the thing to note here in all its fullness is that no matter what you do (myself included), there will never be monogamy in your relationship with your S. No matter how hard you or they try. Their impulse seems to always be stronger than any sort of attachment they may have to you. Just some food for though my dearies.
Oh, and just to clarify,  I don't think that socios/psychos/narcs and any other personality disorder are the same thing. I just find that the traits overlap to some extent so I tend to group them together from time to time when talking about a topic that I see overlapping in each disorder.

Easy Prey for a Psychopath.

Are you one of them?

I came across this fantastic article, thanks to N, entitled: What is a Psychopath by Quantam Future School, which was a research project. They quote a lot of other research, but nonetheless, the following was really interesting to me and addresses the women who fall prey to Psychopaths.

The real danger about psychopaths is that some women, in particular, actually have a psychological predisposition towards forming attachments to them. They even fall in love with them. These women, usually of a hysteric or histrionic personality, feel empowered when attached to the psychopath, regardless of the truth she has been told about him, or regardless of what he himself has told her. Some of these women have an underlying fantasy to feel that they are in control with the psychopathic male (according to Meloy).

At the same time, I (Wendy Koenigsmann) often question whether it's only the "neurotics" who fall prey to psychopaths. It should be stated that Freud is responsible for the entire coinage of neurotic women, which makes me a bit suspicious. I will present the information, but at the same time, I'm not agreeing with it completely, because it seems that all women, regardless of their "neurotic" natures or not, are prey to psychopaths.

We've heard of the extreme cases, such as the women who fell in love with the Night-Stalker, Richard Ramirez, but in general, you will find psychopaths in quite innocuous places, and they always know how to spot a vulnerable woman who will feed their self-image of grandiosity. Of course, good looks help in these matters. The reason so many women fell in love with Ramirez, has been speculated, was probably also intensified because of his brooding, handsome looks and the fact that he could appear vulnerable, "like a little kid," said one admirer.

Whether or not being able to feel pity and compassion for a male makes a woman neurotic has yet to be proven.

The truth is, an attractive psychopath is probably more dangerous than a less attractive one, by all means.

For many women, the attachment to a psychopath goes beyond mere Freudian analysis -- many simply deny the truth, blindly trusting and ignoring reality. Some, even when presented with the cold hard facts, will still admit that they cannot stop loving their psychopathic partner, even after they've been discarded by him. This problem is both a psychosexual one (women with personality disorders themselves who become obsessed with psychopaths), or women who just won't admit to the truth or are ignorant about the situation. It can even be a combination of all factors.

Regardless, the psychopath knows whom to "choose."

Maybe it's the vulnerability displayed by a Psychopath or the oozing charm they seem to have...or maybe it's an issue with you, my Empath friend. 

Book Review: Psychopath Free

I like to read about the encounters others have had with a Sociopath/Psychopath/Narcissist/Bi-Polar/ASPD and the many many other types of personality disorders there are out there. I don't know if it's because there's a part of me that wants to know how they finally overcame the relationship or because I am just slightly obsessed with these types of things.

Probably a little of both.

At any rate, I downloaded Psychopath Free, by a person who simply refers to themselves as "Peace". The book is only mildly interesting. I found that it focused mainly on blaming the psycho (general term here) for everything that happened and generalizes way too much. The author assumes that every empath goes through the same healing process and monsterizes psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists more than necessary in order to deflect from the empath taking any responsibility for their actions.

I got quite an eyeful from other reviewers after I posted my review on Amazon. So many comments accusing me of not knowing what it's really like and again victimizing themselves for what someone else did to them.

Look, I get it. socios can be damaging for a multitude of reasons. But never looking within to see why you were such an easy prey is a far more crippling issue. You can be the victim for the rest of your life or you can learn from the mistakes you've made, pick yourself up and find true happiness from within and be stronger the next time a relationship presents itself.

I didn't like the book and I would really hesitate to recommend it to anyone looking to find healing.

STDs and My S

I'm preparing for the backlash from all of you other Empath's on what I'm about to say, but I find that it works for my wonderful, sweet S...and therefore works in my benefit. Mostly.

Recently, my S and I had a little situation where the possibility of an std came up for me. To be completely fair, I don't know if I had one for sure. My doctor is really cool, and I think she may have felt a little bad for me...the bottom line is that it was either chlamydia or a horrible bacterial infection so she prescribed me a z-pack and said to let her know if it didn't clear up in three days and we would do a blood test.

I didn't push for anymore testing for a few reasons, the extra lab fees I didn't want to pay,the fact that the z-pack would probably work just fine and the best one: I didn't really want to know if it was the std.

Here's the thing, I know that my darling S is not able to be nailed down to sex with me only. It's a reality I had to accept not long into our relationship. It's not something we discuss, but we both know that i know.

Now, I have to admit, part of me wants to scream and yell at him and ask him why he would ever put me at risk. But as I have learned been trained by my S to do, I waited a couple of days until I was feeling better, both physically and mentally, and had a mature conversation with him. I told him that since I don't know either way what the issue is, I wouldn't dream of accusing him of anything. I then told him that I get it if he wants to have sex with other women, I know him and I know his sexual appetite. He was quick to deny that he has been with anyone since he and I first began dating and I stopped him from continuing.

I explained that I realize that we operate differently and that while I would never sleep with anyone else I don't expect him to uphold that on his end. My only three requests are:

1. That he cannot be in relationships with any other women. Meaning that if it is sex only, then I get that, but that I don't want him investing into anyone else.
2. That he wears a condom and gets checked for STDs on a regular basis for my health if not his own.
3. That he never tells me about it. I do believe that what I don't know can't hurt me (especially if he adheres to rule #2.

I'm pretty sure that I shocked him. He said that he was really impressed by how I handled the situation and that if it was possible, he loved me even more because of it.

Maybe I'm crazy for being open enough to give him the ok on this, or maybe I am incredibly smart for giving my S the freedom he really craves while showing him that I am not worried about other women.

Bottom line: I know my wonderful, sexy S loves me. I really do. He knows that I am devoted to him entirely and that he is my world. Our little world works for us.

Maybe you can't fathom doing this. Maybe you are feeling sorry for me because I should have more self worth.

Don't.

I have exactly what I want. My incredible, amazing and loving S.

The S is back.

As you can see, my posts have started to decrease. This is because my sweet S has been back for a couple of months now and he completely consumes my time. I allow him to.

That and my posts are sometimes fueled when I am upset by him.

At any rate, I told you all he would be back, and he is. I know him extremely well.

He's lost interest in whatever person or thing he was obsessively into for a few weeks and now things are back to normal. He's calling and texting a lot and we have had a lot of sex.

See, he still has no idea that I know about anything he has been up to. I know so much more than he's ever thought possible for me to know, but it's more important for me to be with the man I love than to be right, so there you have it.

Before you other empaths start shaking your heads, you all do it too. You turn a blind eye to the things you don't want to deal with and you move on.

The ratio of the good that my darling S provides as opposed to the sometimes bad is still much higher. If a any moment it becomes the other way around, I will have to walk away.

And maybe this is the part I learned from the S I love so dearly: when things no longer benefit you, get the hell out.

Again, we all do it, empath and socio alike. We change careers, cities, friends, clothes and houses all the time because we see something better. More money, a flashier car, a new environment, etc etc.

Maybe we aren't so different after all?

Online Test: Are you a Sociopath?

I have seen a few online self tests and find this to be the most comprehensive if you are interested in either taking the test for yourself or you want to vicariously take the test for your S (or supposed S).

Self Test: Antisocial, Psychopathy and Narcissistic and Histronic Personality Disorders

How to: Hurt a Sociopath (part two)

I find it interesting that based off of my trusty little google analytics, my most popular post is How to: Hurt a Sociopath.

I guess a lot of you empaths out there really want to know what you can do to retaliate. I can;t say I blame you. I have musings of that myself, even with a Socio in my life that I love with all my heart and would lay my life down for.

Yeah, I know, I'm pretty screwed up in the head.

I get it. Truly. You have been humiliated, manipulated and lied to. You gave yourself completely and got a fake in return. And now you want to make your S suffer.

Here's what I know from my experience with my darling S:

1. They get angry when you hurt the people they actually care about. Maybe a mother, father, sister, ex girlfriend. There is someone in their lives that they actually do care about. You can usually figure this out because they will try to protect those people from who they are and protect them from you.
2. They hate (and I do mean HATE) confrontation, also known as DRAMA.If you create it, they will get pissed off and probably run further away from you. But, it will piss them off.
3. They don't want to get caught. If your S is doing something illegal, the easiest way for you to get revenge is to turn them in. Sleeping with prostitutes? Call the police, give them evidence. Stealing money from their company? Call the police, the boss, etc etc.

*Something to note with #3, make sure that you really want to go this route because there is no turning back. You will hurt many people in this process and if your S gets slammed with jail time or prison time, you will have to live with the fact that you did it to them. And unlike our lovely S's, we feel guilty about things and they tend to eat us alive.

So there you have it. Some awesome ideas. Use them wisely or not at all. Remember as I mentioned before, your S will probably hurt you more in the long run even if you successfully implement any of these tactics.

Much love to you E's. Keep your head up and choose to either love your S or leave your S.

Sociopaths: Why We Love to Hate Them

Empaths are notorious for wanting to blame circumstances in their loves on someone else, and while we're at it, so are Sociopaths, but for different reasons.

E's are hyper sensitive, emotional, co-dependent, whiny individuals who like to not only dump their trash (ie: emotions) onto other people. It makes them feel better to have someone to share their pain with.

This is why it is so easy for so many Empath's to blame everything on a Socio. Heck, a lot of E's start saying their ex was a Socio without there ever being real evidence of that or even a hint of a diagnosis. It's become a popular trendy term for Empaths to use to try and make themselves look less stupid for getting hurt.

Socio's become the dumping ground for your failures as a person. And every E is looking for a scapegoat so they don't have to take responsibility for their failures or their life in general.

Settle down, E's, stop getting your feelings hurt, I'm actually going somewhere with this.

It's easier to blame your issues and problems on another person. Especially an S. We all know that they are selfish and uncaring. Your S probably used you to get money, a job, a place to live, access to a higher social status, and on and on. They are predators. You were prey.

But.

Maybe, just maybe you have some issues of your own that were the cause of you allowing your S to take advantage of you.

Most E's lack in self worth. They think they are ugly, stupid and they KNOW they are emotionally a lot to handle. So when you find a lovely S who tells you everything you ever wanted to ear and puts your fears to rest, it becomes like a drug. You want to hold onto this feeling forever, so you do whatever it takes to keep them. You mortgage your house, you co-sign on a lease, you buy them a car, you support them. All because you don;t want to be alone.

So, it's fine. Blame your Socio a little. But before you go down the victim path too far, figure out why it is that YOU have the problems you have. Deal with them.

Blaming your S will not help you.It will make you look foolish for not letting it go. And let's face it, if they've left you, they don't give a damn about what you think about them anyway.

Move on. Figure out what YOU need to do and stop trying to change your S. Either appreciate them exactly for who they are or walk the hell away and fix yourself.

Can an Empath be just as bad as a Socio?

Two words: Hell YES.

Here's the thing. I am a tried and true, overly emotional empath. When I get pissed...I get pissed. Especially if I am dealing with someone who has hurt a family member or close friend (or my S). I will literally want to rip your head off and I would feel fully justified in doing so because the other person would be the monster.

Sounds pretty bad right?

Tell me, how is this any different than the malicious acts we accuse Socios of doing?

Don;t get me wrong, I am not in any way condoning murder, rape, etc etc etc. Let's not get Socio's mixed up with Psycho's or any other form of personality disorder. I am talking about harmless, everyday, run of the mill Socio's who enjoy manipulating and conning people who are stupid enough to be conned.

E's lie just as much as an S. We just aren't as good at it. We hide things just as much, but we usually get caught or tell on ourselves. We harm others in the same way, we just find a way to blame our actions on someone else.

Maybe we aren't that much unlike after all. We just feel guiltier and have that pesky remorse to deal with.

Characteristics of an Empath.

Alright, so I focus a lot on Socios on this website. I love my S, he fascinates me, therefore his condition fascinates me.

But maybe you Empath's want to know what others see you as. Fine.

Here is a pretty comprehensive list. I shudder at the thought of an entire world full of E's. Not because we aren't incredibly loyal and loving...but because someone has to keep us in line. That's where having an S comes in.

If you're an E, how many of these do you match up with?

• Need for praise and positive affirmation
• Difficulty leaving a bad relationship.
• Focus on good memories even when things are no longer good.
• Compassionate and forgiving towards others but not to self.
• May tend to romanticize qualities in their partner that don't actually exist
• Naturally understand the insecurities of others and do whatever necessary to encourage them.
• Interested overwhelmingly so in the needs of others.
• Difficulty communicating concerns or issues for fear that you will not be liked.
• High respect and loyalty for their partners, often ignoring flaws and focusing only on their best qualities
• You must love someone in order to have sex with them.
• Unaware of toxic influences and unknowingly welcome them into your life.
• Interested in long term relationships or soul mates.
• Extremely loyal and trusting even of those who have proven to be untrustworthy.
• May put self down in order to compensate for partner's insecurities or shortcomings.
• Feels the greatest degree of happiness when making others happy.
• Warmly enthusiastic about animals and children.
• Fascinated by battles of good vs evil. Justice and truth seekers.
• Surprising contrast between apparent external submissiveness and actual internal strength
• You want harmony, love and peace in all situations.
• Idealistic, romantic, and imaginative
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism.

What You Can Learn from a Socio.

Socios are incredibly talented, intellectual, charming and conning. Their traits are a combination of the best things in life, all wrapped up into one.

An S is unstoppable. They don't care what anyone else thinks.

So, how can you apply some of these characteristics to your life as an emotionally drained and raining Empath?

• Stop caring what others think about you. If you have a dream, idea, vision, hope...DO IT. With reckless abandon. 
• Become obsessed with the above until you see it come to fruition.
• Looking for a job? Fake it until you make it. Display a level of confidence you don;t have. Trust me.
• Stop taking things to heart. So, your best friends husband said you've gained a lot of weight. Who the hell cares? Who is he to you?
• Make yourself as visually appealing as possible.
• Study people. Figure out who they respond to situations, how they handle stress, use this as a way to communicate properly with them. You'll get along great with everyone.
• Stop always doing things to make other people happy. You are the first person that needs to be taken care of before you possibly think about caring for anyone else. Love yourself, be a little selfish.

A Song Dedication to the Socios.

Pretty sure this song was written to a Socio. Enjoy.

How to: Be in a romantic relationship with a Socio.

You're an empath. You love a Sociopath. Happens all the time.

You want to find out how to keep your S happy? Well, now this may differ slightly based on your own personal S...but here's what I have learned from my dear sweet S:

1. Be as low maintenance as possible. Socio's like drama, but only if they create it. They do not want you to create drama for them. It stresses them out. 
2. Don't get boring. This means that you absolutely cannot give up all of your secrets right away. I know, I know, they ask a lot of questions and they want to devour all info you can present them with. But. If you do, they will quickly tire of you. Change it up. Don't be the same person all the time. Keep them guessing, be mysterious and they'll stick around longer.
3. Don't get confrontational and for God's sake, DO NOT accuse them of anything. Your S is lying to you. I know it, you know it, your friends probably know it. But your S? He needs to think you have no idea. The moment you start accusing and trying to show proof, they will get angry. They will deny it, no matter how good your proof is. If you can't handle not confronting him, then you don;t deserve to be in a relationship with an S.
4. Keep your co-dependency to a minimum.Now this is a tricky one. You're an E, you want attention, you want ooey gooey feelings from your S...and for the most part you will get those. In fact, you will get astonishingly high amounts of it at the beginning. But when they feel like you are getting parasitical, co-dependent and needy, they will want to run. They have seduced you a little too well and it sickens them how easy you were.
5. Be as sexy and alluring as possible. Give it up even when you don't feel like it...but make it interesting!! Role playing is key with an S...they love to pretend to be someone else. Give them the chance to do it with you. And make it as risque and filthy as possible. Lots of oral. Trust me.
6. Worship them. No, I don't mean literally, so banish the images of golden calves and start applying this rule. They like to hear how great and wonderful they are. How sexy you think they are, ho they are far more intelligent than anyone you have ever known in your life. Adoration is key. Your S has become who they perceive you want, so let them know they are doing a damn good job.

Good luck little minions and let me know how this works out for you or if you have any other ideas for this list. 

xoxo,

Empath Queen

How to: Hurt a Sociopath

Slow down, this is not a creepy post about how to murder anyone. But if you have the urge to go out and start getting even with the S's in your life, here's a little handy guide.

Disclaimer: You will probably not ever really hurt an S. They will hurt you first. They are smarter, faster and stronger than you could ever hope to be. And you would have ti apply this at just the right moment in order for it to have any bearing at all.

Leave them.

And the only way this will work is if your S is still infatuated with you. If you're past that stage, you're out of luck, unless you think you can bring them back in. And if you can do that, you might just be smarter than I gave you credit for little E's.

Your S needs to be in control of the relationship, so the moment they realize they aren't, it will physically make them feel sick and grasp to keep you. This is where you cannot turn back. Change your #, change your name, move out of state, whatever it takes. But do not re-initiate contact with them.

Otherwise, you've lost the game.

Now, mind you, your S won;t hurt for long. At least not as long as we think they should, so rejoice in your little victory my dears and look out for the next S on the horizon.

Why do Sociopaths lie?

There's an easy answer to this question my fellow empaths. For the same reason that you and I lie.

It's like when a friend asks you to go out to dinner and you don't want like hanging out with this friend or maybe even like them in general...but you would NEVER say that to their face....but instead of saying that, you say that you just want to stay home, or don't feel like going out.

That same night, you go out with a different friend and the aforementioned friend shows up. You've been caught. So you lie again and say that it just came up or you forgot that you had already made plans, etc etc. All to avoid hurting said person.

Maybe it's because you might want to hang out with this person at some point, so you don't want to completely burn the bridge. Or you just know it will genuinely hurt them to say that you don't enjoy their company so it's easier to just avoid the confrontation.

How is this any different than a Socio lying to you for the same reasons? True, they may not be entirely concerned about your feelings, but they do know that they exist, so if there's a chance they want you in the future for anything, they need to keep the peace.

Or we lie because we don't want to face the consequences of something. Let's say you steal money from your work because you need to pay your electric bill. It's not right, but you justify it because you have a legitimate need. And you get caught. I would venture to say that most of us would lie and say it was a mistake or come up with some other excuse why the money was missing.

Again, no different than a Socio stealing from you. We just justify things differently.

In many ways we are no different from an S...and yet so different.

Why no two Socios are alike.

I've posted about the basic overview of ASPD/Sociopaths here and here and a checklist you can use to somewhat identify if you think are one or might know one.

But the truth is that all of this will never fully explain an S to you. Every S has certain qualities that help to define them as an S, but not every one will add up. Most things don;t really add up with an S anyway. You never know who you're getting from day to day anyway.

I know my dear S very well because I have studied him intensely. My S isn't violent, nor has my S ever tried to scam me out of money. That's not to say that he hasn't used me for purposes of covering up who he is to his family and his boss, but no monetary gain ever came from a relationship with me.

If you have been in a relationship with an S who did take you for all your money or left you high and dry with a bunch of credit card bills, I do feel bad for you...and hopefully you were really duped by your S and you didn't just freely offer up the info.

My sweet S has however used my weaknesses against me, not that I minded. I am well aware of my weaknesses and they aren't even that bad. I need to be told that I am loved and cherished. I need that attention. Other than that, I don't require much from the person I love. I don't need the gifts or the acts of service, I just need to be told that you love me and you are happy to be with me. I don't have kids, I don't have a ton of debt. I'm very loving, caring and generous. I'm attractive, in shape and a dang good woman.

But, back to my weakness, my dear S knew this is what I needed, so he provided it to me when it suited him and he took it away when it suited him to do so or when he was in the process of "training" me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your S is different than my S. You can;t compare the two, and reading about all of the escapades of another person's S will only further take you into a black hole of depression because you will start assuming that your S did all the things their S did.

Be smarter than that. Either accept your S for who they are...or move on. It's really that easy.

Why I love my Socio

Remember N, my other Socio friend? We were talking today about my breakup with my dear S and N asked me a tough question...

N: Why do you want to be with someone who will ultimately use and abandon you?

Me: Believe it or not, I really do love him, Sociopath and all. I know him better than anyone and I still love him exactly for who he is. It's unconditional. And because I have never been happy with anyone else.

I know that my S has some serious issues. I know that he doesn't love the way I do. I know he doesn't process things the same way I do. We see and feel life differently. I don't really think either of our ways are the right way.

Wouldn't a hybrid socio/empath be so perfect?

I know he has cheated on me and lied to me. I am a smart person and I am not easily fooled. And I know my S really really well, so it's easy for me to sense when he's lying. I just chose to go along with his lies because I knew it was more peaceful to let him be than to question him. Now, mind you, I haven't always had that kind of control, it's been a learned quality of mine. I have confronted him multiple times, but I always ended up more emotionally battered in the end.

Honestly, the ONLY part that bothers me about it is that I could have easily gotten a horrible disease from him because of his escapades. I know that my S loves/loved me and what he did was independent of that fact. It had nothing to do with me and it was not done against me, but still I'm glad to be disease free right now.

Some of you will think I'm completely nuts and that's fine. I might be. Maybe I have been trained too well by my dear S.

The fact of the matter is I love my S with all of my heart. And I highly doubt that if anyone else knew everything about him that they would extend the same unconditional love. Most people would run the other way and some of them have. That actually scares me for him, because I worry that he will never again really be loved for who he is...only for the person he is currently pretending to be.

You can only be loved to the extent that you are known. Empath or Sociopath alike. I think even Socios want to be loved for the real person they are. Maybe not all of you, but a large number of you. It has to be nice to take the mask off once in a while and be who you really are.

I do love you my sweet S. More than you'll probably ever be able to understand.

How to: Handle a Sociopath

My S used to make jokes about "training" people all the time. He liked to try and help people to become what he thought they should be. And for the most part, who he wanted them to be was a better version of themselves. He was good at it and as he says , he was "changing lives".

If you are an E and you love an S and want to keep your S happy, here are a few pointers for how to "manage" them. You will not get them to change, but it will help you to stop the arguing and help you to deal better with the ways of a true S and to enjoy who your S truly is.

• Don't accuse them of anything. An S does not like to be confronted or accused of anything they have done. Even if it's refutable and true, they will deny it. Accusing them only makes them angry (or amused), which will only frustrate you.
• Don't share your personal experiences with your S with anyone. Not their family, not your friends and definitely not friends of your S. They like to keep private things private and if they have allowed you into their secretive world, they expect you to keep everything to yourself.
• Don't start drama. If you are fighting with your S, refer to #2. Don't go around telling people. Your S will find out, they are smart and they know exactly what an E will do. If you start drama, you look stupid and they get angry. 
• Don't demand anything of an S. They like to be in control. Always. You may think you are standing up for your manhood or womanhood, but in reality, you are trying to get some control because you are scared to lose your S. Find a way to suggest something you want your S to do or do for you and make it seem like their idea.
• Have lots of sex. An S loves sex and they don;t care all the time who it comes from. So put out as much as possible and do your best not to freak out if you find out your S has been with someone else. It has nothing to do with you not does it mean your S doesn't love you.
• Role play with your S. One of the coolest and scariest things about an S is that they can become anything that want to be. They like to have the choice of different lives, so cater to that. Change up who you are so that they are constantly guessing. It will keep the attention of your S.
• Take care of yourself. You are not the most important person to your S, they are the most important person in their lives. They will love you, even for just a time, but when they leave, you cannot fall apart. You have to start taking care of yourself now.

Socios and Prostitutes.

I have a friend, N, who is also a socio, like my S. He and I get each other. He thinks it's amusing that I am a super, hyper sensitive Empath and also charming that I find his socio ways fascinating. We truly get along great.

N is a really attractive guy, he constantly has beautiful women throwing themselves at him and he takes advantage of that as much as possible. N also hooks up with prostitutes. Which I always find interesting with socios, why pay for sex when it is so easy for you to pick up a girl at a bar or a Circle K even? N explains it to me that prostitutes are something you pay for, which dehumanizes them even more and in a sense makes you a god. They have to do what you are paying them to do and you don;t have to fake emotions with them or promise to call later. The deed is done, you pay for what you pay for and get the heck out of there when you've gotten what you wanted.

Makes sense. I completely get it. Not something I would ever want to try, but it makes sense. I know of a lot of women who are devastated when they find out that their socio has been with prostitutes, especially when they are unattractive prostitutes. I say, be glad that your socio isn't investing a ton of time into another relationship. Many socios have a sex addiction, so this is their version of stocking up on cigarettes.

And again, it has nothing to do with you my Empath friends. Nothing at all. It may affect you, but you have to train yourself not to let it bother you. It really has nothing to do with you.

My S (part 5)

We made it through that time. My S came to see me the week after my birthday and everything was back to normal. He was hiding his activities from me and I was ignorantly in bliss. And for a time after that, things seemed to be on the right track again.

I flew out to see him every 3-4 weeks and we always had fun. We loved each other and everyone knew it.

Not long ago, I relocated out of state for a job, which put me only five hours from my sweet S, as opposed to the 13 we had between us before. I was happy that I would be able to see my darling S more often.

I had a hard time transitioning with my move. I don't know people in my new city and I am isolated from friends and family. I needed and started depending on my S more and more. And he resented that. I didn't know it then , but I realize it now.

A friend of mine from the city where my S lives called one night to tell me he would be in my town for the 4th of July, which I was not. We will call this friend J.

J: Hey, did you know that your S is out of prison?
Me: Yes, I heard that. How did you know?
J: I saw him at the casino last week. Damn, that guy is a boss, how does he already have a girlfriend fresh out of the joint?
Me: Why do you think he as a girlfriend (I thought he was going to say he knew about me and my S).
J: He was sitting with an asian girl, a dealer that works there and they were holding hands.
Me: Weird. Did you go over and say hi?
J: NO, I thought it might be awkward to interrupt them, they were really lovey dovey, she was touching his face and I felt weird going over there especially is he didn't remember me.

Heartbreak again.

I go to see my S for the 4th of July and while I am there I ask him about asian chick. He says nothing is going on. But I should also mention that in the three weeks leading up to my going to see my dear S, he had been non existent as he was a few years ago, so I already knew something was up.

He comes up with a grand story about how he is friends with people at the casino but isn't seeing anyone else, he promises it is just me in his life. When I ask if we can go to the casino then, he says no and then goes so far to say that he had a minor altercation with another player at the casino and he has to take a break from going there for a while.

My S says that he has emotional things going on that I wouldn't understand and that's why he has needed his space. He again promises that there is no one but me.

Sounds familiar, right?

He knows I don;t believe him but we put a band aid on our relationship for the weekend and we decide to enjoy each other while I am there. I am very visibly upset on my last morning there. So much so that I can hardly speak. I know this is the end. I know that when I leave, our patched up weekend is over and I will lose my wonderful S all over again.

J called last night to tell me that he is at the casino and he is looking right at my S. I ask what my S is doing and J tells me that he's with his girlfriend again, they are holding hands and gazing into each others eyes.

My stomach drops. This is it.

I text my S and tell him I want to talk to him. He says he is unavailable, so I ask when he will be available. He calls instantly wanting to know whats going on. My S knows something is up. I tell him I want to talk to him when he has some time.

He calls an hour or so later and I end it with my S. It isn't worth bringing up the asian chick again. I know he will have another story. And I know he would rather be with her right now. I have become boring to him and too much work. She is the new toy and I can't compete with her for now.

So, I let my S go. I tell him that I love him with all my heart and that I don't want to lose him but that I know he doesn't want me anymore. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. My inclination as an E makes me want to hold on to him as tightly as possible, but I know it will do no good.

I am sad. I love my S. I would take him back in an instant. Not because I don't value myself, because I actually do. I just know that he isn't intentionally hurting me. He's lying to keep me from knowing what he's done, because in his way he is protecting me. And I know that his new toy has nothing to do with me. I am just the old comfortable toy who has lost her luster for now.

You'll be back my dear S, because you know that I know you better than anyone else and still love you. I see the best in you and admire you for even the worst.

My S (part 4)

A few months ago, I got a text from my S. He was out of prison. He got out on an early release program a year early.

I was stunned. I had no idea he was home and had been for a couple of weeks by then. His family hadn't said anything to me.

I waited a full day before I texted him back because I was scared. This was a defining moment because I knew that I would never have the strength to stay away from him, but I also knew that I should.

After I texted him back, we never stopped. We talked, we laughed, we rehashed the past, I got my closure. And we joked about starting our second marriage. I was in love again. And my dream guy was back.

I flew out to see him for Thanksgiving and we were happy. We kissed every chance we got. We spent hours under the blankets talking about our relationship and loving each other.

This continued for a while. I flew out again for New Years and it seemed like all my dreams were coming true. I had my love, my dear S back and life had color in it again.

And then I got sick after my trip. I went to the doctor and I had a mild STD, Trichomoniasis. I called my S and told him and asked if he had been with anyone else. He said no and that maybe he had something for the last couple of years in prison and never knew about it. I was devastated immediately because I knew he was lying.

I asked again later that day and he kept proclaiming to have not been with anyone else since being home. He even went to far as to say that if I ever wanted to see his phone or his emails to just ask and if he wouldn't give me the password he was obviously hiding something.

I asked right then and there for the password to his email. He got defensive and paranoid and gave me three passwords to "try". None worked. My S got angry and got off the phone with me.

I used to know all of his passwords from years ago, so on a whim I tried his old email password and BAM. I was in. He has hundreds and hundreds of emails to prostitutes he had found on craigslist and I could see that he had been meeting up with many of them. I started printing them off immediately because I saw him log in also and start deleting things.

I told him the following day that I read his emails. He was furious. He didn't want to speak with me. And I was scared. I was losing him again, I could feel it.

He called later that night with all kinds of reasons why those emails weren't true. I knew his story was bogus, but I didn't want to lose him again, so I pretended to believe him.

We had a rough time, my S and I for a couple of months after that. I lost 15 pounds from the stress of it and I didn't know if we would make it.

My S (part 3)

So, as I said I had convinced myself that I was happy with the new bf. I wasn't, but I could have been. I am a faithful and loyal person and I would have made it work, but I knew that no one would ever replace my S. And I didn't want anyone to. This place in my heart has and always will belong to my S.

I wrote a letter to my S while he was in prison. I told him that I was praying for him, I was sorry to hear he was there and that I was still his friend. 

I never mailed it.

It seemed silly to me to want to reach out to him while he was in his darkest hour and I honestly didn't feel that he would even want to hear from me.

Then his mother contacted me and asked for my address. My S wanted to apologize to me and she wanted to know if she could give him my info. At first I told her no. I knew that hearing from him would cause me to go into a tailspin again. But the curiosity in me became stronger than my reason and I agreed,

My sweet S wrote to me that he was sorry for what had happened between us and he wanted to be friends. And that someday when he was out he wanted to tell me what really happened. He knew he had never given me closure and he wanted to provide it to me now.

I was mad. My darling S was only writing to me because he was on lock down. I doubt he would have tried if he was still in the land of the living. 

But I still cherished it. We wrote back and forth for a while. His mother passed away while he was in prison and I was with her just two hours before she died. I had stayed close to his family even after our breakup years ago and I felt his family to be my family.

It killed me that he couldn't be with her at the end. I nearly drove the five hours to see him immediately after her passing because I just wanted to hold my S and love him. An S may not have the same capacity to love as my little emotional E feelings give me, but I knew he loved his mother...and I knew he was hurting.

This sent my feelings for my dear S into overdrive. I broke up with the new bf almost instantly and never looked back.

Our correspondence picked up quite a bit after that.

My S (part 2)

Fast forward to three years after my sweet, wonderful S left me shattered.

He went to prison.

He had gotten engaged to the same woman he was sleeping with from work during our time apart. We'll call her K. I was devastated. I became very promiscuous during that time (well, promiscuous for me anyway, which was mild). I started reaching out to anyone who would give me attention. I didn't care because my S was gone and life didn't really matter to me anymore with regards to romantic relationships. I knew I would never be happy with anyone else so I resigned myself to that and went on.

I moved out of state and started life over. I made new friends, I found a new boyfriend and actually convinced myself that I loved him and wanted to marry him.

The ex-wife of my S, we'll call her L, contacted me via facebook one night to tell me that my beloved S had gone to prison for three years.

I was stunned. And sad. And also a little relieved. Him being in prison actually made me feel like I could move on fully. That the memory of him would finally leave me alone.

L was happy. She was and is still in a place of revenge with my S. She wants nothing good for him and thrives on his misfortunes. She has kept his children from him and continued to slander him. L has even tried to enlist me a few times, and no matter how angry I could be with my S, I knew that I loved him more than I could ever hate him.

K was devastated too from what I understand. She was just a couple of months from her dream wedding to my S when he was arrested, She never reached out to me, but I knew how she must feel and I pitied her. K never spoke to my S again.

My S (Part 1)

I am in love with my S and we aren't even together currently. But he'll be back.

I met my beloved S eight years ago. I didn't know him well at the time, he was married with children and the brother of a good friend of mine. He struck me immediately. I was instantly attracted to him.

I should note here that at the time, he was overweight and although he was VERY handsome, not someone I would instantly want to be with.

But there was something almost magnetic about him that made me want to be next to him. Nothing ever happened between us back then, I just admired him from afar and because he was married I never would have attempted anything.

A couple of years later, he was going through a divorce and suddenly was around quite a bit. It didn't take us long to establish a relationship. It just seemed natural and easy. He was even more attractive to me now, he had lost all of the excess weight and he looked incredible. The magnetic pull was there again instantly.

We fell in love. I say we, because I know my S loved me too. Maybe not in the same way that I loved him, but it was love. We spent every waking minute together, 8-10 hours per day. When we weren't together, we were on the phone or texting. It was all very romantic and consuming. I loved every minute of it.

Things went well like this for a few months before I noticed that things were not always what they seemed. He talked of job searching and would even make up job interviews. I only noticed this because others would ask him specifics and they never matched up to his other stories. I chalked it up to him just not really looking for a new job.

Ultimately, I found him a new job. The pay was good, the environment was perfect for him...he took to it well. I was happy to have done something good for my man and life seemed great.

Until he started disappearing. He would go days without talking to me or seeing me which was so unlike what our relationship had been. When I questioned him, his excuses were always work. Then eventually it turned into excuses that he was going through a lot emotionally and needed space.

I gave him a month of my life, waiting to see what would happen. He wasn't ending it with me, but he was also not giving me any indication that he wanted to continue.

Then I discovered that he was sleeping with a woman who was married to his best friend. I saw cell phone bills with her number plastered all over it...then I found out he was sleeping with a woman from work. I went crazy. Why not just break up with me if you want to be with other women, just GO. Don't string me along.

I confronted him, he denied it. Made excuses for the phone bills, blamed me for even looking at them and turned it all around to be my fault because I got into his business and saw something that I shouldn't have.

Twisted, right?

I was miserable. When we did finally break up, he told me that he needed space to get through some things he was dealing with and that he wanted us to be together again, it just wasn't the time now. I didn't believe him for an instant and I went on a rage of misery and investigative work to find out where these other women lived, when he was with them, etc.

I realize now that I wanted closure. I never got it and it drive me mad.

ASPD/Socio Checklist

The Checklist

• Glibness and Superficial Charm
• Manipulative and Conning -- They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
• Grandiose Sense of Self -- Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
• Pathological Lying -- Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt -- A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
• Shallow Emotions -- When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
• Incapacity for Love
• Need for Stimulation -- Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy -- Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature -- Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency -- Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability -- Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity -- Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle -- Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility -- Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Other Related Qualities:

• Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
• Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
• Authoritarian
• Secretive
• Paranoid
• Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
• Conventional appearance
• Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
• Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
• Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
• Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
• Incapable of real human attachment to another
• Unable to feel remorse or guilt
• Extreme narcissism and grandiose
• May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare

NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths. 

Socios and Anger

From what I can gather, many socios have an issue with anger. It happens quickly but also fades quickly.

My S didn't have a lot of anger issues, he was always charming and most of the time thought it was humorous when we had an argument about something. He knew I would come around to his side eventually, so he wasn't worried.

We did have a couple of instances where he got extremely angry, usually if I was accusing him of something. He hated to be accused of anything, even if i had 100% proof.

He also got over his anger extremely fast. One minute he would be ready to explode and the next he was fully composed and fine again. I always thought this was highly admirable, as I am not able to diffuse my anger that quickly or pull my emotions under control without letting out every bit of frustration that I have.

I understand that many of you have had a different experience with your S. Perhaps he/she was extremely irritable and angry and even threatened you. If that's the case, I would actually have cause to think that your S might not have been a true S and maybe has another personality disorder (or just anger issues) that are going on.

At any rate, if you ever feel or have felt unsafe with your S, don't stay in the situation. You are not strong enough or smart enough to outwit them, and again, they will not change anytime soon.

ASPD - DSM-IV Definition

Wondering if you are one? Or if the S you love is truly an S?

I don't believe in self diagnosis, but I do believe that if you are an S, you know you are an S deep down. You're different than all these little flailing E's you see running around wearing their heart on their sleeve.

Enjoy.

DSM-IV Definition 

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)

1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
    A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
    B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
    C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
    D. Repeated assaults on others.
    E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
    F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
    G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

2. At least eighteen years in age.

3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.

4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder.

ASPD Overview

For those of you still learning about ASPD or Sociopaths, here's one take on it:

Antisocial Personality Disorder Overview
Derek Wood, RN, BSN, PhD Candidate

Antisocial Personality Disorder results in what is commonly known as a Sociopath. The criteria for this disorder require an ongoing disregard for the rights of others, since the age of 15 years. Some examples of this disregard are reckless disregard for the safety of themselves or others, failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, deceitfulness such as repeated lying or deceit for personal profit or pleasure, and lack of remorse for actions that hurt other people in any way. Additionally, they must have evidenced a Conduct Disorder before the age of 15 years, and must be at least 18 years old to receive this diagnosis.

People with this disorder appear to be charming at times, and make relationships, but to them, these are relationships in name only. They are ended whenever necessary or when it suits them, and the relationships are without depth or meaning, including marriages. They seem to have an innate ability to find the weakness in people, and are ready to use these weaknesses to their own ends through deceit, manipulation, or intimidation, and gain pleasure from doing so.

They appear to be incapable of any true emotions, from love to shame to guilt. They are quick to anger, but just as quick to let it go, without holding grudges. No matter what emotion they state they have, it has no bearing on their future actions or attitudes.

They rarely are able to have jobs that last for any length of time, as they become easily bored, instead needing constant change. They live for the moment, forgetting the past, and not planning the future, not thinking ahead what consequences their actions will have. They want immediate rewards and gratification. There currently is no form of psychotherapy that works with those with antisocial personality disorder, as those with this disorder have no desire to change themselves, which is a prerequisite. No medication is available either. The only treatment is the prevention of the disorder in the early stages, when a child first begins to show the symptoms of conduct disorder.

How to: Get Over a Sociopath

You sweet little E's, I know you are looking for a way to get over the remarkable S that you lost.

I've been there. And it sucks.

The one thing you should probably face immediately is that you will never really get over them. You will never find anyone better than your beloved S. They become the exact person you want them to be, which is what hooked you in the first place. Their love is like a drug and once it's gone, you will never be the same.

Ok, ok. So you want some help moving on as quickly and as pain free as possible. I know.

Here are a few things you should know.

1. Them leaving you has absolutely NOTHING to so with you. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't suddenly change. They did. You became boring to them and your S needed more stimulation.
2. Realize that the person you love (and loved you) is not real.
3. Remove them from your life and IF possible, cut off all contact. (I realize that if you have children with this person you may not be able to entirely do this). They do not want to hear from you, see you, spend time with you anymore, and the longer you hang on, the more idiotic you look.
4. Your S will never fess up to the truth. If you caught them cheating, they will deny it for the rest of their life. Stop expecting them to suddenly come through and tell you everything. You will not get any closure from beloved S.
5. DO NOT go around sharing every explicit detail of your relationship with your S to other people. You will look like an idiot and your S will still seem smarter.
6. Remove all remnants of your S. Pictures, gifts, letters, emails, texts. Let them go. These are only reminders of the grand love you lost.

Again, you will never find anyone as wonderful as your captivating S. I would suggest either being alone for the rest of your life or figuring out a way to be somewhat happy with an E like yourself. Although, be warned, they will bore you before too long.

An Empath in a Socio World

I'm an Empath,

I say that as if I am ashamed of it. And I'm not.

Well, maybe a little.

What I have learned from Sociopaths has really made me wish that I was one. Or figure out how to become one. Or how to stay as close to one as possible so that I can learn the characteristics.

The whole process works out well until you figure out you have been expertly manipulated and personally managed by one. For me, it wasn't so much that I minded being managed, I minded when he didn't care to manage me anymore. But that's another story for another time.

We get angry because we think that somehow our rights have been taken away or that decisions were made for us, when let's face it, we like to have our decisions made for us.

I live in their world. In fact, we all do. It's their world. They control it and we let them.