How to Get Your Sociopath Back: Step Two - Pull Yourself Together

Hello my dear little E's. I hope you are doing well on your journey of No Contact with your S.

Let's be real, you're probably a hot mess right now, which leads me to the next step in the process of winning the affection of your S.

You have got to get it together. Literally.

First things first, get your ass in the shower and out of your pajamas. Fix your hair, get your makeup to look perfect (men: shave that damn beard or at least clean up your neck), wear something you know you look good in, not just today, but everyday during this journey.

See, doesn't that feel better just to think about brushing that three days worth of morning breath and getting into a hot shower?

Here's a couple of things I want you to work on over the next few days:

1. Get a new haircut (or hair color) if you can afford it.
If you can't afford it, come up with a new hairstyle. You have plenty of free time without your S, so scour pinterest and come up with some great ideas and get to work!

2. Get yourself a journal that will be specific to this journey of reclaiming your S.

• On the first page, I want you to write down at least 10 of your good qualities. You can have more, but you must have at least 10. (examples: I am an amazing artist/musician; I have really pretty blue eyes, etc) I want you to be proud of who you are. Them read it out loud to yourself everyday, there is a lot of power in your words. You need confidence and your S will be more attracted to a confident and freshly showered version of you.
• Next, write down as much of your story with your S as you can. How it all started, when you knew you loved him/her, the good and bad things that happened throughout the course of your relationship, what he/she did to hurt you, what your S said to you repeatedly. All of it. Chronicle it as much as possible. Then when you are done, read it back to yourself, out loud.
• Whenever you feel angry, sad, hopeless, put it in your journal. Your friends might be sick to death of hearing you talk about how depressed and lonely you are. Put it in the book. And as mentioned before, read it out loud to yourself afterward.

Again, no contact with your S. None. Now get started.

How to Get Your Sociopath Back: Step One - No Contact

So, along with the influx of emails asking how to get over the love of their life, their S, I have also gotten a lot of questions on how to get your S back.

While I can tell you what worked for me, I cannot guarantee that it will work for you. It's worth a shot though, right? It truly did work for me. My wonderful, sweet S and I are happy and going strong.

** As a disclaimer, if your S has physically or sexually abused you or someone you know, stolen from you, put your life in danger, is involved in criminal activity etc etc. Walk away. Do NOT try to get your S back. Try to get your life together, for the love of God.

Now, for the rest of you...

First things first:

You have to go no contact. 

I know. It sucks. The only way you feel better is to hear the sweet voice of your S or get any type of response from your S.

Believe me, I get it.

Here's why no contact is so vital: You need to try to become interesting to your S again, which means you have got to become another person (or a much much more exciting and confident version of yourself).

By going no contact, a few things happen:
1. You don't look like a needy little puppy. And trust me, socio or not, NO ONE likes a needy puppy.
2. You give your S time to forget the crazy/stupid/mean/unintelligent/needy things you did when they left you.
3. You have some time to get your ass to the gym. And  c'mon, let's be real, you probably aren't eating because you're upset, so that will be a good way to jump start to your weight loss until the appetite comes back.
4. You gain some perspective on who you are and what you need from this or any relationship. If the benefit isn't much higher than the torment, you need to do some self evaluation.

No contact NEEDS to happen for two weeks. No excuses. Two weeks will fly by (even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it will). Two weeks is nothing but a little blip of time.

Do not contact your S. At all. NADA. No texts, emails, phone calls, accidental run in's at the grocery, none of this, oops I texted/called the "wrong person" crap, etc.

NO CONTACT. 

Even if your S tries to contact you, you MUST stay strong. Do not respond to anything.

Two weeks, that's all. You got this. The end goal is getting your S back, the beginning to this journey is going to be going MIA for two weeks.

If you screw up three days in, you start over.

Two weeks...starting...NOW.

Why You Can't Let Go and How to Try

You met your S, you fell in love, everything seemed perfect, he/she was everything you ever dreamed (and more), you were happier than you had ever been...

Then your S disappeared or perhaps wasn't as good at hiding things anymore and you found out the truth.

You got angry, you couldn't believe this was happening, your dreams were dashed, you were furious, you were confused...

But ultimately, you just wanted your S back.

I get it. I've been there.

Your S became everything that he/she knew you wanted and needed. your vulnerabilities were exposes and manipulated to the extreme. You can;t help but think that you will never be happy with anyone else the way you were happy with your S.

And that's probably true.

And that is the key to why it is so hard to let go. You remember the good times.

So how do you get past this?

1. Recognize that the person you knew doesn't really exist.
2. Figure out why you don't believe you are worth anything (and this is a big one, especially if your S has stolen from you, put your life or your child's life in danger, etc.
3. Do something for you.Join a gym, take up a hobby, go out with friends. Get your mind off of the situation.
4. Write down all the things your S did to you and read them out loud to yourself. Imagine that a friend told you this exact story about them, what would your advice be to them? Take it.
5. Give it time: Time truly does heal all wounds. Take it a day at a time, or a week at a time.
6. Don't make major life decisions while you are hurt.
7. Trust yourself.
8. See a professional counselor/therapist who knows about sociopaths.
9. Do not for any reason contact your S. You will look needy. Let it go and hold onto the little shred of dignity you have. Use a mediator or a lawyer to communicate if you must.

My blog is specifically dedicated to my S, how I handle things with him and why I choose to stay with him.

But I realize not everyone has that option. I have gotten tons of questions from you all asking how to get past your hurt, so this is for you.

Good luck and Godspeed my dear E's.

Are you the Perfect Target?

I am a fan of the following blog, it seems to offer good resources for those dealing with psycho/socio/narc behavior. I do have another post that talks about being easy prey for a Socio, but I find the following list from Thomas Sheridan to be even more comprehensive. Does this sound like you?

Are You the Perfect Target for a Psychopath?

• Do you feel incomplete without a ‘soul mate’?

• Do you hide a sense of low self-esteem or hurt behind an outgoing and confident exterior due to a past emotional trauma that you keep to yourself?

• Do you believe that there is ‘someone special’ out there just for you and do you let people know what kind of person this would be?

• Do you believe in ‘love at first sight'?

• Do you have a large disposable income?

• Are you generally independent and self-supporting?

• Do you have any special talent or ability which may bring you fame and wealth one day?

• Do you think deeply about everyone and everything except yourself?

• Are you a single parent longing for a completed family?

• Are you the kind of person who would get out of your car to help an elderly or handicapped person with their groceries?

• Did you lose a young child, or are you presently estranged from your children due to divorce or do you have a deep-rooted unfulfilled desire to raise and nurture a child of your own?

• Do you always give other people the benefit of the doubt at first?

• Are you humbly unaware of your own special talents and abilities?

• Are you an educated recent immigrant with a degree or professional background and not yet fully aware of all the subtle cultural intricacies of your newly adopted country?

• Are you living alone in a house in which the mortgage is fully paid off?

• Do you have a strong desire to love and be loved?

• Do you have a history of rescuing stray and injured animals?

• Did you have a parent who was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

• Are you very sensitive to emotional external stimuli, such as hearing certain music, or viewing a certain art work which can bring you to tears?

• Were you in the military as a young person?

• Did one or both of your parents die when you were a child or were you raised in a foster home or orphanage?

• Were you abused, neglected, unloved by a parent/parents as a child?

• Are you financially responsible, solvent and secure, such as a stable employment position/regular long-term pay cheque with a government pension/full military pension?

• Do you believe there is a hidden force which affects your life to some degree and do you embrace this concept?

• Are you recently widowed, divorced or currently in a difficult relationship?

• When you are hurt emotionally, is it a deep, intense hurt?

Lying to Protect the Innocent.

Recently, my S and I had a conversation about secrets. Probably the biggest challenge that we face as an S+E couple is that he likes to keep secrets and I like to know things.

Not just things about him or what he's doing, mind you. In the same way that most people like to hear Hollywood gossip or those who frequently pull out their iphone to google a movie fact. I like having knowledge and information at my fingertips in an instant.

My dear S does not ascribe to the same idea as I do. He doesn't care to tell anyone his information and unless it can help him in some way, he doesn't really care to know the business of others either.

I have a lot of questions for my S, for a couple of reasons:
1. I like learning more about sociopathic behavior and he is my accessible real life case study.
2. I like to know what's going on in his life. (Yes, partially because there is a side of me that wonders why he still does some of the things he does).

During this conversation, I was asking him why he constantly shuts his phone off entirely when we are together. It isn't something he used to do, so the new behavior has me curious as to what he could be hiding from me. His response was that I am the person he most talks to/texts so when we a re together he doesn't need his phone on.

Come on.

Being the nosy little E I can sometimes be, I asked more questions: but what if your dad or another family member needed to reach you for an emergency and your phone is off? What if your PO is trying to reach you and thinks you have skipped town? Do you have people calling or texting that you don't want me to know about?

Little my dear E's, don;t do what I do (did). It irritated him and I never got the answers to my questions. The only thing I got was that he doesn't tell me things sometimes simply to protect me. Protect me from what I wonder...being emotionally hurt if one of his current conquests calls or texts him...being in legal trouble...etc etc.

Who knows. But I wonder if all Socios say or think the same way. They know they are doing things that could potentially hurt themselves but they don't see any reason to needlessly involve other people or potentially injure the innocent.

Sometimes it Actually Does Hurt

I write mostly about why I love my S so much or ways that I have discovered how to deal with being in a relationship with my S, but there are times when it is extremely painful for me. For the most part I have learned how to accept who he is and live in a fantasy world, but tonight isn't one of those nights.

Over 1000 miles away, my dad is in the hospital and it is awful for me. I moved a few months ago for a job offer. I felt ok accepting the position because he seemed to be doing better. He suffers from a traumatic brain injury that happened about three years ago. He had a lot of ups and mostly downs for the first couple of years and then sort of leveled off.

But I got a call from my brother saying that he fell a day ago and nobody knew. Which means my dad had been laying on the floor of his apartment for an entire day because of a seizure and he had with no one to help him.

Breaks my heart. And there's nothing I can do.

After being reassured that things are fine for now, I call my S. I want to hear his voice. I want to just have him say that he loves me and ask if I am doing ok.

But no. He's not answering my calls or texts.

It sucks at times my dear E's. I'll admit it.

It's the life I have chosen to live but tonight I am wishing I had another choice.

How to: Identify a Sociopath

So, you think you think you might have a cow-worker/boss/friend/lover/spouse/neighbor/parent who is Sociopath. You've gone through all the checklists and you've just about narrowed it down.

Here's even more identifying ways to figure out if you are dealing with an S or just a crazy normal person.

The following is an excerpt from Thomas Sheridan Arts that I think is a pretty fantastic and comprehensive list of ways to identify a Sociopath. His entire website is a great source of information, so if you like this, give his other stuff a glance.

THE REVEAL

If you experienced the following behaviour while in a relationship, or working with this person—then you probably knew a psychopath: 

Invented Personas to Manipulate Others 

Psychopaths are a different version of themselves for every person they interact with. They also have ‘group personas’ for family, organisational and workplace interaction. 

Highly Unreliable/Broken Promises 

Psychopaths will make the most incredibly ambitious plans including you as their right hand man or woman—then, on a whim, discard those plans and move on to some other crusade that excludes you. Targets often alter their own life plans to help the psychopath reach their imaginary goals, resulting in appalling emotional, psychological and financial chaos for the victims when the psychopath moves on. 

Idealisation Followed by Cold Rejection 

At the height of their idealisation of you, the psychopath will show you obsessive ‘love,’ care and attention. However, once they feel they have you where they want you—or the relationship has ended—if you collapsed in front of them on the street they would simply step over you as if they’d never met you and continue on their way. Outrageous and very personal smear campaigns against the discarded targets to falsely portray them as psychologically unstable, self-serving liars or abusers are often undertaken by psychopaths following the ending of a relationship. 

Becomes Obsessed with a Hobby, Cause, or Individual and then Loses Interest Instantly 

However, as soon as the relationship is established, the downward trajectory from idealisation of their targets and towards the inevitable devaluation and discarding begins in earnest. It may take weeks. It may take months. It often takes years. Nevertheless the psychopath always begins the devaluing of their victims as soon as the relationship is legitimised and is always on the lookout for an ‘upgrade’. 

Phony Altruism 

Buys into either secular and non-secular belief systems to appear superior or enlightened. Will align themselves with ‘morally popular’ causes to make themselves appear enlightened and with a sense of deep moral wisdom and compassion. But it is always a pose; the psychopath’s association with these causes is a veneer to fool others into trusting them. It’s always fake; always an agenda. 

There is Nothing Real Behind the Persona 

Behind the months or years of perfectly-constructed performance by your psychopath is a nothing: a void, a blank, a hunger for something the psychopathic entity can never define. They now see no further benefit in playing this part and have moved on to a new role. It is just business. You are treated to a completely new, cold and emotionless persona. “Who is this stranger?” you will ask yourself over and over again. It is so bewildering. 

The Sudden Goodbye 

Then the psychopath finds an upgrade, changes their persona, will often change their look, fashions and even change the subject when they suspect others are figuring them out and you begin asking questions. "Hey, never mind that, it is lovely weather we are having!" Stated in a chipper and almost giddy manner (with an obvious underlying glibness). They are repressing the internal excitement at having pulled a fast one on you.

Why a Socio Will Always Cheat

Remember my Sociopath friend, N? We had an interesting email exchange not too long ago. He sent me a link to an article that he knew I would like and we started an exchange about Socios and why they cheat on their partners. Here's what went down.

Empath Queen:
Do you do it because you get bored? Do you remember having the conversation with me when I said that I would be ok with my husband/boyfriend sleeping with other people as long as he was using a condom and not potentially bringing a disease home to me and not creating relationships with these people? Just sex. Nothing else. I am reading that a lot of ASPD/Socio/Narc seem to think this is a great idea, however, they say they would still rather pretend to be exclusive with each of the people they are in a "relationship" with. That's interesting...even when given a way out of monogamy, they would still prefer to live the lie.

N:
I think some of it is boredom. In large part it's sincere though - I just get strong impulses and crave sex from a particular woman I may have discarded or at least put on the backburner. Sometimes they give it to me, sometimes they don't.

The impulse can last for a few minutes to a few weeks.

Also ASPD and sociopathy aren't synonymous.

http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/antisocial-personality-disorder/psychopathy-and-antisocial-personality-disorder-case-diagnostic-confusion-0

In fact, I'm still not even clear on the division between sociopathy and psychopathy... in DSM-IV they're synonymous but the DSM is generally acknowledged as crap. Mixed usage among other resources

I see what you're saying, but that's probably not the way a sociopath would see it. It's about dominance and control - "I" can cheat and fuck whoever I want, but my partner can't

Also the "open relationship" you're describing sounds nice. No doubt if a woman would offer me that, I would probably stay with her (assuming she interests and attracts me otherwise of course) for a long time.

But you can't put much faith in the sustainability of that. A real psychopath isn't going to care about the caveats (wear a condom; don't form a relationship; etc.)

They may tell you they are abiding by the rules, but at the end of the day, psychopaths abhor rules and feel above them - no matter where the rules are coming from.

I think the thing to note here in all its fullness is that no matter what you do (myself included), there will never be monogamy in your relationship with your S. No matter how hard you or they try. Their impulse seems to always be stronger than any sort of attachment they may have to you. Just some food for though my dearies.
Oh, and just to clarify,  I don't think that socios/psychos/narcs and any other personality disorder are the same thing. I just find that the traits overlap to some extent so I tend to group them together from time to time when talking about a topic that I see overlapping in each disorder.

Easy Prey for a Psychopath.

Are you one of them?

I came across this fantastic article, thanks to N, entitled: What is a Psychopath by Quantam Future School, which was a research project. They quote a lot of other research, but nonetheless, the following was really interesting to me and addresses the women who fall prey to Psychopaths.

The real danger about psychopaths is that some women, in particular, actually have a psychological predisposition towards forming attachments to them. They even fall in love with them. These women, usually of a hysteric or histrionic personality, feel empowered when attached to the psychopath, regardless of the truth she has been told about him, or regardless of what he himself has told her. Some of these women have an underlying fantasy to feel that they are in control with the psychopathic male (according to Meloy).

At the same time, I (Wendy Koenigsmann) often question whether it's only the "neurotics" who fall prey to psychopaths. It should be stated that Freud is responsible for the entire coinage of neurotic women, which makes me a bit suspicious. I will present the information, but at the same time, I'm not agreeing with it completely, because it seems that all women, regardless of their "neurotic" natures or not, are prey to psychopaths.

We've heard of the extreme cases, such as the women who fell in love with the Night-Stalker, Richard Ramirez, but in general, you will find psychopaths in quite innocuous places, and they always know how to spot a vulnerable woman who will feed their self-image of grandiosity. Of course, good looks help in these matters. The reason so many women fell in love with Ramirez, has been speculated, was probably also intensified because of his brooding, handsome looks and the fact that he could appear vulnerable, "like a little kid," said one admirer.

Whether or not being able to feel pity and compassion for a male makes a woman neurotic has yet to be proven.

The truth is, an attractive psychopath is probably more dangerous than a less attractive one, by all means.

For many women, the attachment to a psychopath goes beyond mere Freudian analysis -- many simply deny the truth, blindly trusting and ignoring reality. Some, even when presented with the cold hard facts, will still admit that they cannot stop loving their psychopathic partner, even after they've been discarded by him. This problem is both a psychosexual one (women with personality disorders themselves who become obsessed with psychopaths), or women who just won't admit to the truth or are ignorant about the situation. It can even be a combination of all factors.

Regardless, the psychopath knows whom to "choose."

Maybe it's the vulnerability displayed by a Psychopath or the oozing charm they seem to have...or maybe it's an issue with you, my Empath friend. 

Book Review: Psychopath Free

I like to read about the encounters others have had with a Sociopath/Psychopath/Narcissist/Bi-Polar/ASPD and the many many other types of personality disorders there are out there. I don't know if it's because there's a part of me that wants to know how they finally overcame the relationship or because I am just slightly obsessed with these types of things.

Probably a little of both.

At any rate, I downloaded Psychopath Free, by a person who simply refers to themselves as "Peace". The book is only mildly interesting. I found that it focused mainly on blaming the psycho (general term here) for everything that happened and generalizes way too much. The author assumes that every empath goes through the same healing process and monsterizes psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists more than necessary in order to deflect from the empath taking any responsibility for their actions.

I got quite an eyeful from other reviewers after I posted my review on Amazon. So many comments accusing me of not knowing what it's really like and again victimizing themselves for what someone else did to them.

Look, I get it. socios can be damaging for a multitude of reasons. But never looking within to see why you were such an easy prey is a far more crippling issue. You can be the victim for the rest of your life or you can learn from the mistakes you've made, pick yourself up and find true happiness from within and be stronger the next time a relationship presents itself.

I didn't like the book and I would really hesitate to recommend it to anyone looking to find healing.

The S is back.

As you can see, my posts have started to decrease. This is because my sweet S has been back for a couple of months now and he completely consumes my time. I allow him to.

That and my posts are sometimes fueled when I am upset by him.

At any rate, I told you all he would be back, and he is. I know him extremely well.

He's lost interest in whatever person or thing he was obsessively into for a few weeks and now things are back to normal. He's calling and texting a lot and we have had a lot of sex.

See, he still has no idea that I know about anything he has been up to. I know so much more than he's ever thought possible for me to know, but it's more important for me to be with the man I love than to be right, so there you have it.

Before you other empaths start shaking your heads, you all do it too. You turn a blind eye to the things you don't want to deal with and you move on.

The ratio of the good that my darling S provides as opposed to the sometimes bad is still much higher. If a any moment it becomes the other way around, I will have to walk away.

And maybe this is the part I learned from the S I love so dearly: when things no longer benefit you, get the hell out.

Again, we all do it, empath and socio alike. We change careers, cities, friends, clothes and houses all the time because we see something better. More money, a flashier car, a new environment, etc etc.

Maybe we aren't so different after all?

Online Test: Are you a Sociopath?

I have seen a few online self tests and find this to be the most comprehensive if you are interested in either taking the test for yourself or you want to vicariously take the test for your S (or supposed S).

Self Test: Antisocial, Psychopathy and Narcissistic and Histronic Personality Disorders

How to: Hurt a Sociopath (part two)

I find it interesting that based off of my trusty little google analytics, my most popular post is How to: Hurt a Sociopath.

I guess a lot of you empaths out there really want to know what you can do to retaliate. I can;t say I blame you. I have musings of that myself, even with a Socio in my life that I love with all my heart and would lay my life down for.

Yeah, I know, I'm pretty screwed up in the head.

I get it. Truly. You have been humiliated, manipulated and lied to. You gave yourself completely and got a fake in return. And now you want to make your S suffer.

Here's what I know from my experience with my darling S:

1. They get angry when you hurt the people they actually care about. Maybe a mother, father, sister, ex girlfriend. There is someone in their lives that they actually do care about. You can usually figure this out because they will try to protect those people from who they are and protect them from you.
2. They hate (and I do mean HATE) confrontation, also known as DRAMA.If you create it, they will get pissed off and probably run further away from you. But, it will piss them off.
3. They don't want to get caught. If your S is doing something illegal, the easiest way for you to get revenge is to turn them in. Sleeping with prostitutes? Call the police, give them evidence. Stealing money from their company? Call the police, the boss, etc etc.

*Something to note with #3, make sure that you really want to go this route because there is no turning back. You will hurt many people in this process and if your S gets slammed with jail time or prison time, you will have to live with the fact that you did it to them. And unlike our lovely S's, we feel guilty about things and they tend to eat us alive.

So there you have it. Some awesome ideas. Use them wisely or not at all. Remember as I mentioned before, your S will probably hurt you more in the long run even if you successfully implement any of these tactics.

Much love to you E's. Keep your head up and choose to either love your S or leave your S.

Sociopaths: Why We Love to Hate Them

Empaths are notorious for wanting to blame circumstances in their loves on someone else, and while we're at it, so are Sociopaths, but for different reasons.

E's are hyper sensitive, emotional, co-dependent, whiny individuals who like to not only dump their trash (ie: emotions) onto other people. It makes them feel better to have someone to share their pain with.

This is why it is so easy for so many Empath's to blame everything on a Socio. Heck, a lot of E's start saying their ex was a Socio without there ever being real evidence of that or even a hint of a diagnosis. It's become a popular trendy term for Empaths to use to try and make themselves look less stupid for getting hurt.

Socio's become the dumping ground for your failures as a person. And every E is looking for a scapegoat so they don't have to take responsibility for their failures or their life in general.

Settle down, E's, stop getting your feelings hurt, I'm actually going somewhere with this.

It's easier to blame your issues and problems on another person. Especially an S. We all know that they are selfish and uncaring. Your S probably used you to get money, a job, a place to live, access to a higher social status, and on and on. They are predators. You were prey.

But.

Maybe, just maybe you have some issues of your own that were the cause of you allowing your S to take advantage of you.

Most E's lack in self worth. They think they are ugly, stupid and they KNOW they are emotionally a lot to handle. So when you find a lovely S who tells you everything you ever wanted to ear and puts your fears to rest, it becomes like a drug. You want to hold onto this feeling forever, so you do whatever it takes to keep them. You mortgage your house, you co-sign on a lease, you buy them a car, you support them. All because you don;t want to be alone.

So, it's fine. Blame your Socio a little. But before you go down the victim path too far, figure out why it is that YOU have the problems you have. Deal with them.

Blaming your S will not help you.It will make you look foolish for not letting it go. And let's face it, if they've left you, they don't give a damn about what you think about them anyway.

Move on. Figure out what YOU need to do and stop trying to change your S. Either appreciate them exactly for who they are or walk the hell away and fix yourself.

Can an Empath be just as bad as a Socio?

Two words: Hell YES.

Here's the thing. I am a tried and true, overly emotional empath. When I get pissed...I get pissed. Especially if I am dealing with someone who has hurt a family member or close friend (or my S). I will literally want to rip your head off and I would feel fully justified in doing so because the other person would be the monster.

Sounds pretty bad right?

Tell me, how is this any different than the malicious acts we accuse Socios of doing?

Don;t get me wrong, I am not in any way condoning murder, rape, etc etc etc. Let's not get Socio's mixed up with Psycho's or any other form of personality disorder. I am talking about harmless, everyday, run of the mill Socio's who enjoy manipulating and conning people who are stupid enough to be conned.

E's lie just as much as an S. We just aren't as good at it. We hide things just as much, but we usually get caught or tell on ourselves. We harm others in the same way, we just find a way to blame our actions on someone else.

Maybe we aren't that much unlike after all. We just feel guiltier and have that pesky remorse to deal with.

Characteristics of an Empath.

Alright, so I focus a lot on Socios on this website. I love my S, he fascinates me, therefore his condition fascinates me.

But maybe you Empath's want to know what others see you as. Fine.

Here is a pretty comprehensive list. I shudder at the thought of an entire world full of E's. Not because we aren't incredibly loyal and loving...but because someone has to keep us in line. That's where having an S comes in.

If you're an E, how many of these do you match up with?

• Need for praise and positive affirmation
• Difficulty leaving a bad relationship.
• Focus on good memories even when things are no longer good.
• Compassionate and forgiving towards others but not to self.
• May tend to romanticize qualities in their partner that don't actually exist
• Naturally understand the insecurities of others and do whatever necessary to encourage them.
• Interested overwhelmingly so in the needs of others.
• Difficulty communicating concerns or issues for fear that you will not be liked.
• High respect and loyalty for their partners, often ignoring flaws and focusing only on their best qualities
• You must love someone in order to have sex with them.
• Unaware of toxic influences and unknowingly welcome them into your life.
• Interested in long term relationships or soul mates.
• Extremely loyal and trusting even of those who have proven to be untrustworthy.
• May put self down in order to compensate for partner's insecurities or shortcomings.
• Feels the greatest degree of happiness when making others happy.
• Warmly enthusiastic about animals and children.
• Fascinated by battles of good vs evil. Justice and truth seekers.
• Surprising contrast between apparent external submissiveness and actual internal strength
• You want harmony, love and peace in all situations.
• Idealistic, romantic, and imaginative
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism.

A Song Dedication to the Socios.

Pretty sure this song was written to a Socio. Enjoy.

How to: Hurt a Sociopath

Slow down, this is not a creepy post about how to murder anyone. But if you have the urge to go out and start getting even with the S's in your life, here's a little handy guide.

Disclaimer: You will probably not ever really hurt an S. They will hurt you first. They are smarter, faster and stronger than you could ever hope to be. And you would have ti apply this at just the right moment in order for it to have any bearing at all.

Leave them.

And the only way this will work is if your S is still infatuated with you. If you're past that stage, you're out of luck, unless you think you can bring them back in. And if you can do that, you might just be smarter than I gave you credit for little E's.

Your S needs to be in control of the relationship, so the moment they realize they aren't, it will physically make them feel sick and grasp to keep you. This is where you cannot turn back. Change your #, change your name, move out of state, whatever it takes. But do not re-initiate contact with them.

Otherwise, you've lost the game.

Now, mind you, your S won;t hurt for long. At least not as long as we think they should, so rejoice in your little victory my dears and look out for the next S on the horizon.

Why do Sociopaths lie?

There's an easy answer to this question my fellow empaths. For the same reason that you and I lie.

It's like when a friend asks you to go out to dinner and you don't want like hanging out with this friend or maybe even like them in general...but you would NEVER say that to their face....but instead of saying that, you say that you just want to stay home, or don't feel like going out.

That same night, you go out with a different friend and the aforementioned friend shows up. You've been caught. So you lie again and say that it just came up or you forgot that you had already made plans, etc etc. All to avoid hurting said person.

Maybe it's because you might want to hang out with this person at some point, so you don't want to completely burn the bridge. Or you just know it will genuinely hurt them to say that you don't enjoy their company so it's easier to just avoid the confrontation.

How is this any different than a Socio lying to you for the same reasons? True, they may not be entirely concerned about your feelings, but they do know that they exist, so if there's a chance they want you in the future for anything, they need to keep the peace.

Or we lie because we don't want to face the consequences of something. Let's say you steal money from your work because you need to pay your electric bill. It's not right, but you justify it because you have a legitimate need. And you get caught. I would venture to say that most of us would lie and say it was a mistake or come up with some other excuse why the money was missing.

Again, no different than a Socio stealing from you. We just justify things differently.

In many ways we are no different from an S...and yet so different.

Why no two Socios are alike.

I've posted about the basic overview of ASPD/Sociopaths here and here and a checklist you can use to somewhat identify if you think are one or might know one.

But the truth is that all of this will never fully explain an S to you. Every S has certain qualities that help to define them as an S, but not every one will add up. Most things don;t really add up with an S anyway. You never know who you're getting from day to day anyway.

I know my dear S very well because I have studied him intensely. My S isn't violent, nor has my S ever tried to scam me out of money. That's not to say that he hasn't used me for purposes of covering up who he is to his family and his boss, but no monetary gain ever came from a relationship with me.

If you have been in a relationship with an S who did take you for all your money or left you high and dry with a bunch of credit card bills, I do feel bad for you...and hopefully you were really duped by your S and you didn't just freely offer up the info.

My sweet S has however used my weaknesses against me, not that I minded. I am well aware of my weaknesses and they aren't even that bad. I need to be told that I am loved and cherished. I need that attention. Other than that, I don't require much from the person I love. I don't need the gifts or the acts of service, I just need to be told that you love me and you are happy to be with me. I don't have kids, I don't have a ton of debt. I'm very loving, caring and generous. I'm attractive, in shape and a dang good woman.

But, back to my weakness, my dear S knew this is what I needed, so he provided it to me when it suited him and he took it away when it suited him to do so or when he was in the process of "training" me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your S is different than my S. You can;t compare the two, and reading about all of the escapades of another person's S will only further take you into a black hole of depression because you will start assuming that your S did all the things their S did.

Be smarter than that. Either accept your S for who they are...or move on. It's really that easy.