Why You Can't Let Go and How to Try

You met your S, you fell in love, everything seemed perfect, he/she was everything you ever dreamed (and more), you were happier than you had ever been...

Then your S disappeared or perhaps wasn't as good at hiding things anymore and you found out the truth.

You got angry, you couldn't believe this was happening, your dreams were dashed, you were furious, you were confused...

But ultimately, you just wanted your S back.

I get it. I've been there.

Your S became everything that he/she knew you wanted and needed. your vulnerabilities were exposes and manipulated to the extreme. You can;t help but think that you will never be happy with anyone else the way you were happy with your S.

And that's probably true.

And that is the key to why it is so hard to let go. You remember the good times.

So how do you get past this?

1. Recognize that the person you knew doesn't really exist.
2. Figure out why you don't believe you are worth anything (and this is a big one, especially if your S has stolen from you, put your life or your child's life in danger, etc.
3. Do something for you.Join a gym, take up a hobby, go out with friends. Get your mind off of the situation.
4. Write down all the things your S did to you and read them out loud to yourself. Imagine that a friend told you this exact story about them, what would your advice be to them? Take it.
5. Give it time: Time truly does heal all wounds. Take it a day at a time, or a week at a time.
6. Don't make major life decisions while you are hurt.
7. Trust yourself.
8. See a professional counselor/therapist who knows about sociopaths.
9. Do not for any reason contact your S. You will look needy. Let it go and hold onto the little shred of dignity you have. Use a mediator or a lawyer to communicate if you must.

My blog is specifically dedicated to my S, how I handle things with him and why I choose to stay with him.

But I realize not everyone has that option. I have gotten tons of questions from you all asking how to get past your hurt, so this is for you.

Good luck and Godspeed my dear E's.

Are you the Perfect Target?

I am a fan of the following blog, it seems to offer good resources for those dealing with psycho/socio/narc behavior. I do have another post that talks about being easy prey for a Socio, but I find the following list from Thomas Sheridan to be even more comprehensive. Does this sound like you?

Are You the Perfect Target for a Psychopath?

• Do you feel incomplete without a ‘soul mate’?

• Do you hide a sense of low self-esteem or hurt behind an outgoing and confident exterior due to a past emotional trauma that you keep to yourself?

• Do you believe that there is ‘someone special’ out there just for you and do you let people know what kind of person this would be?

• Do you believe in ‘love at first sight'?

• Do you have a large disposable income?

• Are you generally independent and self-supporting?

• Do you have any special talent or ability which may bring you fame and wealth one day?

• Do you think deeply about everyone and everything except yourself?

• Are you a single parent longing for a completed family?

• Are you the kind of person who would get out of your car to help an elderly or handicapped person with their groceries?

• Did you lose a young child, or are you presently estranged from your children due to divorce or do you have a deep-rooted unfulfilled desire to raise and nurture a child of your own?

• Do you always give other people the benefit of the doubt at first?

• Are you humbly unaware of your own special talents and abilities?

• Are you an educated recent immigrant with a degree or professional background and not yet fully aware of all the subtle cultural intricacies of your newly adopted country?

• Are you living alone in a house in which the mortgage is fully paid off?

• Do you have a strong desire to love and be loved?

• Do you have a history of rescuing stray and injured animals?

• Did you have a parent who was an alcoholic or a drug addict?

• Are you very sensitive to emotional external stimuli, such as hearing certain music, or viewing a certain art work which can bring you to tears?

• Were you in the military as a young person?

• Did one or both of your parents die when you were a child or were you raised in a foster home or orphanage?

• Were you abused, neglected, unloved by a parent/parents as a child?

• Are you financially responsible, solvent and secure, such as a stable employment position/regular long-term pay cheque with a government pension/full military pension?

• Do you believe there is a hidden force which affects your life to some degree and do you embrace this concept?

• Are you recently widowed, divorced or currently in a difficult relationship?

• When you are hurt emotionally, is it a deep, intense hurt?

Book Review: Psychopath Free

I like to read about the encounters others have had with a Sociopath/Psychopath/Narcissist/Bi-Polar/ASPD and the many many other types of personality disorders there are out there. I don't know if it's because there's a part of me that wants to know how they finally overcame the relationship or because I am just slightly obsessed with these types of things.

Probably a little of both.

At any rate, I downloaded Psychopath Free, by a person who simply refers to themselves as "Peace". The book is only mildly interesting. I found that it focused mainly on blaming the psycho (general term here) for everything that happened and generalizes way too much. The author assumes that every empath goes through the same healing process and monsterizes psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists more than necessary in order to deflect from the empath taking any responsibility for their actions.

I got quite an eyeful from other reviewers after I posted my review on Amazon. So many comments accusing me of not knowing what it's really like and again victimizing themselves for what someone else did to them.

Look, I get it. socios can be damaging for a multitude of reasons. But never looking within to see why you were such an easy prey is a far more crippling issue. You can be the victim for the rest of your life or you can learn from the mistakes you've made, pick yourself up and find true happiness from within and be stronger the next time a relationship presents itself.

I didn't like the book and I would really hesitate to recommend it to anyone looking to find healing.