How to Get Your Sociopath Back: Step Two - Pull Yourself Together

Hello my dear little E's. I hope you are doing well on your journey of No Contact with your S.

Let's be real, you're probably a hot mess right now, which leads me to the next step in the process of winning the affection of your S.

You have got to get it together. Literally.

First things first, get your ass in the shower and out of your pajamas. Fix your hair, get your makeup to look perfect (men: shave that damn beard or at least clean up your neck), wear something you know you look good in, not just today, but everyday during this journey.

See, doesn't that feel better just to think about brushing that three days worth of morning breath and getting into a hot shower?

Here's a couple of things I want you to work on over the next few days:

1. Get a new haircut (or hair color) if you can afford it.
If you can't afford it, come up with a new hairstyle. You have plenty of free time without your S, so scour pinterest and come up with some great ideas and get to work!

2. Get yourself a journal that will be specific to this journey of reclaiming your S.

• On the first page, I want you to write down at least 10 of your good qualities. You can have more, but you must have at least 10. (examples: I am an amazing artist/musician; I have really pretty blue eyes, etc) I want you to be proud of who you are. Them read it out loud to yourself everyday, there is a lot of power in your words. You need confidence and your S will be more attracted to a confident and freshly showered version of you.
• Next, write down as much of your story with your S as you can. How it all started, when you knew you loved him/her, the good and bad things that happened throughout the course of your relationship, what he/she did to hurt you, what your S said to you repeatedly. All of it. Chronicle it as much as possible. Then when you are done, read it back to yourself, out loud.
• Whenever you feel angry, sad, hopeless, put it in your journal. Your friends might be sick to death of hearing you talk about how depressed and lonely you are. Put it in the book. And as mentioned before, read it out loud to yourself afterward.

Again, no contact with your S. None. Now get started.

How to Get Your Sociopath Back: Step One - No Contact

So, along with the influx of emails asking how to get over the love of their life, their S, I have also gotten a lot of questions on how to get your S back.

While I can tell you what worked for me, I cannot guarantee that it will work for you. It's worth a shot though, right? It truly did work for me. My wonderful, sweet S and I are happy and going strong.

** As a disclaimer, if your S has physically or sexually abused you or someone you know, stolen from you, put your life in danger, is involved in criminal activity etc etc. Walk away. Do NOT try to get your S back. Try to get your life together, for the love of God.

Now, for the rest of you...

First things first:

You have to go no contact. 

I know. It sucks. The only way you feel better is to hear the sweet voice of your S or get any type of response from your S.

Believe me, I get it.

Here's why no contact is so vital: You need to try to become interesting to your S again, which means you have got to become another person (or a much much more exciting and confident version of yourself).

By going no contact, a few things happen:
1. You don't look like a needy little puppy. And trust me, socio or not, NO ONE likes a needy puppy.
2. You give your S time to forget the crazy/stupid/mean/unintelligent/needy things you did when they left you.
3. You have some time to get your ass to the gym. And  c'mon, let's be real, you probably aren't eating because you're upset, so that will be a good way to jump start to your weight loss until the appetite comes back.
4. You gain some perspective on who you are and what you need from this or any relationship. If the benefit isn't much higher than the torment, you need to do some self evaluation.

No contact NEEDS to happen for two weeks. No excuses. Two weeks will fly by (even if it doesn't feel like it right now, it will). Two weeks is nothing but a little blip of time.

Do not contact your S. At all. NADA. No texts, emails, phone calls, accidental run in's at the grocery, none of this, oops I texted/called the "wrong person" crap, etc.

NO CONTACT. 

Even if your S tries to contact you, you MUST stay strong. Do not respond to anything.

Two weeks, that's all. You got this. The end goal is getting your S back, the beginning to this journey is going to be going MIA for two weeks.

If you screw up three days in, you start over.

Two weeks...starting...NOW.

Why You Can't Let Go and How to Try

You met your S, you fell in love, everything seemed perfect, he/she was everything you ever dreamed (and more), you were happier than you had ever been...

Then your S disappeared or perhaps wasn't as good at hiding things anymore and you found out the truth.

You got angry, you couldn't believe this was happening, your dreams were dashed, you were furious, you were confused...

But ultimately, you just wanted your S back.

I get it. I've been there.

Your S became everything that he/she knew you wanted and needed. your vulnerabilities were exposes and manipulated to the extreme. You can;t help but think that you will never be happy with anyone else the way you were happy with your S.

And that's probably true.

And that is the key to why it is so hard to let go. You remember the good times.

So how do you get past this?

1. Recognize that the person you knew doesn't really exist.
2. Figure out why you don't believe you are worth anything (and this is a big one, especially if your S has stolen from you, put your life or your child's life in danger, etc.
3. Do something for you.Join a gym, take up a hobby, go out with friends. Get your mind off of the situation.
4. Write down all the things your S did to you and read them out loud to yourself. Imagine that a friend told you this exact story about them, what would your advice be to them? Take it.
5. Give it time: Time truly does heal all wounds. Take it a day at a time, or a week at a time.
6. Don't make major life decisions while you are hurt.
7. Trust yourself.
8. See a professional counselor/therapist who knows about sociopaths.
9. Do not for any reason contact your S. You will look needy. Let it go and hold onto the little shred of dignity you have. Use a mediator or a lawyer to communicate if you must.

My blog is specifically dedicated to my S, how I handle things with him and why I choose to stay with him.

But I realize not everyone has that option. I have gotten tons of questions from you all asking how to get past your hurt, so this is for you.

Good luck and Godspeed my dear E's.

Lying to Protect the Innocent.

Recently, my S and I had a conversation about secrets. Probably the biggest challenge that we face as an S+E couple is that he likes to keep secrets and I like to know things.

Not just things about him or what he's doing, mind you. In the same way that most people like to hear Hollywood gossip or those who frequently pull out their iphone to google a movie fact. I like having knowledge and information at my fingertips in an instant.

My dear S does not ascribe to the same idea as I do. He doesn't care to tell anyone his information and unless it can help him in some way, he doesn't really care to know the business of others either.

I have a lot of questions for my S, for a couple of reasons:
1. I like learning more about sociopathic behavior and he is my accessible real life case study.
2. I like to know what's going on in his life. (Yes, partially because there is a side of me that wonders why he still does some of the things he does).

During this conversation, I was asking him why he constantly shuts his phone off entirely when we are together. It isn't something he used to do, so the new behavior has me curious as to what he could be hiding from me. His response was that I am the person he most talks to/texts so when we a re together he doesn't need his phone on.

Come on.

Being the nosy little E I can sometimes be, I asked more questions: but what if your dad or another family member needed to reach you for an emergency and your phone is off? What if your PO is trying to reach you and thinks you have skipped town? Do you have people calling or texting that you don't want me to know about?

Little my dear E's, don;t do what I do (did). It irritated him and I never got the answers to my questions. The only thing I got was that he doesn't tell me things sometimes simply to protect me. Protect me from what I wonder...being emotionally hurt if one of his current conquests calls or texts him...being in legal trouble...etc etc.

Who knows. But I wonder if all Socios say or think the same way. They know they are doing things that could potentially hurt themselves but they don't see any reason to needlessly involve other people or potentially injure the innocent.

Sometimes it Actually Does Hurt

I write mostly about why I love my S so much or ways that I have discovered how to deal with being in a relationship with my S, but there are times when it is extremely painful for me. For the most part I have learned how to accept who he is and live in a fantasy world, but tonight isn't one of those nights.

Over 1000 miles away, my dad is in the hospital and it is awful for me. I moved a few months ago for a job offer. I felt ok accepting the position because he seemed to be doing better. He suffers from a traumatic brain injury that happened about three years ago. He had a lot of ups and mostly downs for the first couple of years and then sort of leveled off.

But I got a call from my brother saying that he fell a day ago and nobody knew. Which means my dad had been laying on the floor of his apartment for an entire day because of a seizure and he had with no one to help him.

Breaks my heart. And there's nothing I can do.

After being reassured that things are fine for now, I call my S. I want to hear his voice. I want to just have him say that he loves me and ask if I am doing ok.

But no. He's not answering my calls or texts.

It sucks at times my dear E's. I'll admit it.

It's the life I have chosen to live but tonight I am wishing I had another choice.

Easy Prey for a Psychopath.

Are you one of them?

I came across this fantastic article, thanks to N, entitled: What is a Psychopath by Quantam Future School, which was a research project. They quote a lot of other research, but nonetheless, the following was really interesting to me and addresses the women who fall prey to Psychopaths.

The real danger about psychopaths is that some women, in particular, actually have a psychological predisposition towards forming attachments to them. They even fall in love with them. These women, usually of a hysteric or histrionic personality, feel empowered when attached to the psychopath, regardless of the truth she has been told about him, or regardless of what he himself has told her. Some of these women have an underlying fantasy to feel that they are in control with the psychopathic male (according to Meloy).

At the same time, I (Wendy Koenigsmann) often question whether it's only the "neurotics" who fall prey to psychopaths. It should be stated that Freud is responsible for the entire coinage of neurotic women, which makes me a bit suspicious. I will present the information, but at the same time, I'm not agreeing with it completely, because it seems that all women, regardless of their "neurotic" natures or not, are prey to psychopaths.

We've heard of the extreme cases, such as the women who fell in love with the Night-Stalker, Richard Ramirez, but in general, you will find psychopaths in quite innocuous places, and they always know how to spot a vulnerable woman who will feed their self-image of grandiosity. Of course, good looks help in these matters. The reason so many women fell in love with Ramirez, has been speculated, was probably also intensified because of his brooding, handsome looks and the fact that he could appear vulnerable, "like a little kid," said one admirer.

Whether or not being able to feel pity and compassion for a male makes a woman neurotic has yet to be proven.

The truth is, an attractive psychopath is probably more dangerous than a less attractive one, by all means.

For many women, the attachment to a psychopath goes beyond mere Freudian analysis -- many simply deny the truth, blindly trusting and ignoring reality. Some, even when presented with the cold hard facts, will still admit that they cannot stop loving their psychopathic partner, even after they've been discarded by him. This problem is both a psychosexual one (women with personality disorders themselves who become obsessed with psychopaths), or women who just won't admit to the truth or are ignorant about the situation. It can even be a combination of all factors.

Regardless, the psychopath knows whom to "choose."

Maybe it's the vulnerability displayed by a Psychopath or the oozing charm they seem to have...or maybe it's an issue with you, my Empath friend. 

Book Review: Psychopath Free

I like to read about the encounters others have had with a Sociopath/Psychopath/Narcissist/Bi-Polar/ASPD and the many many other types of personality disorders there are out there. I don't know if it's because there's a part of me that wants to know how they finally overcame the relationship or because I am just slightly obsessed with these types of things.

Probably a little of both.

At any rate, I downloaded Psychopath Free, by a person who simply refers to themselves as "Peace". The book is only mildly interesting. I found that it focused mainly on blaming the psycho (general term here) for everything that happened and generalizes way too much. The author assumes that every empath goes through the same healing process and monsterizes psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists more than necessary in order to deflect from the empath taking any responsibility for their actions.

I got quite an eyeful from other reviewers after I posted my review on Amazon. So many comments accusing me of not knowing what it's really like and again victimizing themselves for what someone else did to them.

Look, I get it. socios can be damaging for a multitude of reasons. But never looking within to see why you were such an easy prey is a far more crippling issue. You can be the victim for the rest of your life or you can learn from the mistakes you've made, pick yourself up and find true happiness from within and be stronger the next time a relationship presents itself.

I didn't like the book and I would really hesitate to recommend it to anyone looking to find healing.

STDs and My S

I'm preparing for the backlash from all of you other Empath's on what I'm about to say, but I find that it works for my wonderful, sweet S...and therefore works in my benefit. Mostly.

Recently, my S and I had a little situation where the possibility of an std came up for me. To be completely fair, I don't know if I had one for sure. My doctor is really cool, and I think she may have felt a little bad for me...the bottom line is that it was either chlamydia or a horrible bacterial infection so she prescribed me a z-pack and said to let her know if it didn't clear up in three days and we would do a blood test.

I didn't push for anymore testing for a few reasons, the extra lab fees I didn't want to pay,the fact that the z-pack would probably work just fine and the best one: I didn't really want to know if it was the std.

Here's the thing, I know that my darling S is not able to be nailed down to sex with me only. It's a reality I had to accept not long into our relationship. It's not something we discuss, but we both know that i know.

Now, I have to admit, part of me wants to scream and yell at him and ask him why he would ever put me at risk. But as I have learned been trained by my S to do, I waited a couple of days until I was feeling better, both physically and mentally, and had a mature conversation with him. I told him that since I don't know either way what the issue is, I wouldn't dream of accusing him of anything. I then told him that I get it if he wants to have sex with other women, I know him and I know his sexual appetite. He was quick to deny that he has been with anyone since he and I first began dating and I stopped him from continuing.

I explained that I realize that we operate differently and that while I would never sleep with anyone else I don't expect him to uphold that on his end. My only three requests are:

1. That he cannot be in relationships with any other women. Meaning that if it is sex only, then I get that, but that I don't want him investing into anyone else.
2. That he wears a condom and gets checked for STDs on a regular basis for my health if not his own.
3. That he never tells me about it. I do believe that what I don't know can't hurt me (especially if he adheres to rule #2.

I'm pretty sure that I shocked him. He said that he was really impressed by how I handled the situation and that if it was possible, he loved me even more because of it.

Maybe I'm crazy for being open enough to give him the ok on this, or maybe I am incredibly smart for giving my S the freedom he really craves while showing him that I am not worried about other women.

Bottom line: I know my wonderful, sexy S loves me. I really do. He knows that I am devoted to him entirely and that he is my world. Our little world works for us.

Maybe you can't fathom doing this. Maybe you are feeling sorry for me because I should have more self worth.

Don't.

I have exactly what I want. My incredible, amazing and loving S.

The S is back.

As you can see, my posts have started to decrease. This is because my sweet S has been back for a couple of months now and he completely consumes my time. I allow him to.

That and my posts are sometimes fueled when I am upset by him.

At any rate, I told you all he would be back, and he is. I know him extremely well.

He's lost interest in whatever person or thing he was obsessively into for a few weeks and now things are back to normal. He's calling and texting a lot and we have had a lot of sex.

See, he still has no idea that I know about anything he has been up to. I know so much more than he's ever thought possible for me to know, but it's more important for me to be with the man I love than to be right, so there you have it.

Before you other empaths start shaking your heads, you all do it too. You turn a blind eye to the things you don't want to deal with and you move on.

The ratio of the good that my darling S provides as opposed to the sometimes bad is still much higher. If a any moment it becomes the other way around, I will have to walk away.

And maybe this is the part I learned from the S I love so dearly: when things no longer benefit you, get the hell out.

Again, we all do it, empath and socio alike. We change careers, cities, friends, clothes and houses all the time because we see something better. More money, a flashier car, a new environment, etc etc.

Maybe we aren't so different after all?

Sociopaths: Why We Love to Hate Them

Empaths are notorious for wanting to blame circumstances in their loves on someone else, and while we're at it, so are Sociopaths, but for different reasons.

E's are hyper sensitive, emotional, co-dependent, whiny individuals who like to not only dump their trash (ie: emotions) onto other people. It makes them feel better to have someone to share their pain with.

This is why it is so easy for so many Empath's to blame everything on a Socio. Heck, a lot of E's start saying their ex was a Socio without there ever being real evidence of that or even a hint of a diagnosis. It's become a popular trendy term for Empaths to use to try and make themselves look less stupid for getting hurt.

Socio's become the dumping ground for your failures as a person. And every E is looking for a scapegoat so they don't have to take responsibility for their failures or their life in general.

Settle down, E's, stop getting your feelings hurt, I'm actually going somewhere with this.

It's easier to blame your issues and problems on another person. Especially an S. We all know that they are selfish and uncaring. Your S probably used you to get money, a job, a place to live, access to a higher social status, and on and on. They are predators. You were prey.

But.

Maybe, just maybe you have some issues of your own that were the cause of you allowing your S to take advantage of you.

Most E's lack in self worth. They think they are ugly, stupid and they KNOW they are emotionally a lot to handle. So when you find a lovely S who tells you everything you ever wanted to ear and puts your fears to rest, it becomes like a drug. You want to hold onto this feeling forever, so you do whatever it takes to keep them. You mortgage your house, you co-sign on a lease, you buy them a car, you support them. All because you don;t want to be alone.

So, it's fine. Blame your Socio a little. But before you go down the victim path too far, figure out why it is that YOU have the problems you have. Deal with them.

Blaming your S will not help you.It will make you look foolish for not letting it go. And let's face it, if they've left you, they don't give a damn about what you think about them anyway.

Move on. Figure out what YOU need to do and stop trying to change your S. Either appreciate them exactly for who they are or walk the hell away and fix yourself.

Can an Empath be just as bad as a Socio?

Two words: Hell YES.

Here's the thing. I am a tried and true, overly emotional empath. When I get pissed...I get pissed. Especially if I am dealing with someone who has hurt a family member or close friend (or my S). I will literally want to rip your head off and I would feel fully justified in doing so because the other person would be the monster.

Sounds pretty bad right?

Tell me, how is this any different than the malicious acts we accuse Socios of doing?

Don;t get me wrong, I am not in any way condoning murder, rape, etc etc etc. Let's not get Socio's mixed up with Psycho's or any other form of personality disorder. I am talking about harmless, everyday, run of the mill Socio's who enjoy manipulating and conning people who are stupid enough to be conned.

E's lie just as much as an S. We just aren't as good at it. We hide things just as much, but we usually get caught or tell on ourselves. We harm others in the same way, we just find a way to blame our actions on someone else.

Maybe we aren't that much unlike after all. We just feel guiltier and have that pesky remorse to deal with.

Characteristics of an Empath.

Alright, so I focus a lot on Socios on this website. I love my S, he fascinates me, therefore his condition fascinates me.

But maybe you Empath's want to know what others see you as. Fine.

Here is a pretty comprehensive list. I shudder at the thought of an entire world full of E's. Not because we aren't incredibly loyal and loving...but because someone has to keep us in line. That's where having an S comes in.

If you're an E, how many of these do you match up with?

• Need for praise and positive affirmation
• Difficulty leaving a bad relationship.
• Focus on good memories even when things are no longer good.
• Compassionate and forgiving towards others but not to self.
• May tend to romanticize qualities in their partner that don't actually exist
• Naturally understand the insecurities of others and do whatever necessary to encourage them.
• Interested overwhelmingly so in the needs of others.
• Difficulty communicating concerns or issues for fear that you will not be liked.
• High respect and loyalty for their partners, often ignoring flaws and focusing only on their best qualities
• You must love someone in order to have sex with them.
• Unaware of toxic influences and unknowingly welcome them into your life.
• Interested in long term relationships or soul mates.
• Extremely loyal and trusting even of those who have proven to be untrustworthy.
• May put self down in order to compensate for partner's insecurities or shortcomings.
• Feels the greatest degree of happiness when making others happy.
• Warmly enthusiastic about animals and children.
• Fascinated by battles of good vs evil. Justice and truth seekers.
• Surprising contrast between apparent external submissiveness and actual internal strength
• You want harmony, love and peace in all situations.
• Idealistic, romantic, and imaginative
• Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism.

What You Can Learn from a Socio.

Socios are incredibly talented, intellectual, charming and conning. Their traits are a combination of the best things in life, all wrapped up into one.

An S is unstoppable. They don't care what anyone else thinks.

So, how can you apply some of these characteristics to your life as an emotionally drained and raining Empath?

• Stop caring what others think about you. If you have a dream, idea, vision, hope...DO IT. With reckless abandon. 
• Become obsessed with the above until you see it come to fruition.
• Looking for a job? Fake it until you make it. Display a level of confidence you don;t have. Trust me.
• Stop taking things to heart. So, your best friends husband said you've gained a lot of weight. Who the hell cares? Who is he to you?
• Make yourself as visually appealing as possible.
• Study people. Figure out who they respond to situations, how they handle stress, use this as a way to communicate properly with them. You'll get along great with everyone.
• Stop always doing things to make other people happy. You are the first person that needs to be taken care of before you possibly think about caring for anyone else. Love yourself, be a little selfish.

A Song Dedication to the Socios.

Pretty sure this song was written to a Socio. Enjoy.

How to: Be in a romantic relationship with a Socio.

You're an empath. You love a Sociopath. Happens all the time.

You want to find out how to keep your S happy? Well, now this may differ slightly based on your own personal S...but here's what I have learned from my dear sweet S:

1. Be as low maintenance as possible. Socio's like drama, but only if they create it. They do not want you to create drama for them. It stresses them out. 
2. Don't get boring. This means that you absolutely cannot give up all of your secrets right away. I know, I know, they ask a lot of questions and they want to devour all info you can present them with. But. If you do, they will quickly tire of you. Change it up. Don't be the same person all the time. Keep them guessing, be mysterious and they'll stick around longer.
3. Don't get confrontational and for God's sake, DO NOT accuse them of anything. Your S is lying to you. I know it, you know it, your friends probably know it. But your S? He needs to think you have no idea. The moment you start accusing and trying to show proof, they will get angry. They will deny it, no matter how good your proof is. If you can't handle not confronting him, then you don;t deserve to be in a relationship with an S.
4. Keep your co-dependency to a minimum.Now this is a tricky one. You're an E, you want attention, you want ooey gooey feelings from your S...and for the most part you will get those. In fact, you will get astonishingly high amounts of it at the beginning. But when they feel like you are getting parasitical, co-dependent and needy, they will want to run. They have seduced you a little too well and it sickens them how easy you were.
5. Be as sexy and alluring as possible. Give it up even when you don't feel like it...but make it interesting!! Role playing is key with an S...they love to pretend to be someone else. Give them the chance to do it with you. And make it as risque and filthy as possible. Lots of oral. Trust me.
6. Worship them. No, I don't mean literally, so banish the images of golden calves and start applying this rule. They like to hear how great and wonderful they are. How sexy you think they are, ho they are far more intelligent than anyone you have ever known in your life. Adoration is key. Your S has become who they perceive you want, so let them know they are doing a damn good job.

Good luck little minions and let me know how this works out for you or if you have any other ideas for this list. 

xoxo,

Empath Queen

How to: Hurt a Sociopath

Slow down, this is not a creepy post about how to murder anyone. But if you have the urge to go out and start getting even with the S's in your life, here's a little handy guide.

Disclaimer: You will probably not ever really hurt an S. They will hurt you first. They are smarter, faster and stronger than you could ever hope to be. And you would have ti apply this at just the right moment in order for it to have any bearing at all.

Leave them.

And the only way this will work is if your S is still infatuated with you. If you're past that stage, you're out of luck, unless you think you can bring them back in. And if you can do that, you might just be smarter than I gave you credit for little E's.

Your S needs to be in control of the relationship, so the moment they realize they aren't, it will physically make them feel sick and grasp to keep you. This is where you cannot turn back. Change your #, change your name, move out of state, whatever it takes. But do not re-initiate contact with them.

Otherwise, you've lost the game.

Now, mind you, your S won;t hurt for long. At least not as long as we think they should, so rejoice in your little victory my dears and look out for the next S on the horizon.

Why no two Socios are alike.

I've posted about the basic overview of ASPD/Sociopaths here and here and a checklist you can use to somewhat identify if you think are one or might know one.

But the truth is that all of this will never fully explain an S to you. Every S has certain qualities that help to define them as an S, but not every one will add up. Most things don;t really add up with an S anyway. You never know who you're getting from day to day anyway.

I know my dear S very well because I have studied him intensely. My S isn't violent, nor has my S ever tried to scam me out of money. That's not to say that he hasn't used me for purposes of covering up who he is to his family and his boss, but no monetary gain ever came from a relationship with me.

If you have been in a relationship with an S who did take you for all your money or left you high and dry with a bunch of credit card bills, I do feel bad for you...and hopefully you were really duped by your S and you didn't just freely offer up the info.

My sweet S has however used my weaknesses against me, not that I minded. I am well aware of my weaknesses and they aren't even that bad. I need to be told that I am loved and cherished. I need that attention. Other than that, I don't require much from the person I love. I don't need the gifts or the acts of service, I just need to be told that you love me and you are happy to be with me. I don't have kids, I don't have a ton of debt. I'm very loving, caring and generous. I'm attractive, in shape and a dang good woman.

But, back to my weakness, my dear S knew this is what I needed, so he provided it to me when it suited him and he took it away when it suited him to do so or when he was in the process of "training" me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that your S is different than my S. You can;t compare the two, and reading about all of the escapades of another person's S will only further take you into a black hole of depression because you will start assuming that your S did all the things their S did.

Be smarter than that. Either accept your S for who they are...or move on. It's really that easy.

Why I love my Socio

Remember N, my other Socio friend? We were talking today about my breakup with my dear S and N asked me a tough question...

N: Why do you want to be with someone who will ultimately use and abandon you?

Me: Believe it or not, I really do love him, Sociopath and all. I know him better than anyone and I still love him exactly for who he is. It's unconditional. And because I have never been happy with anyone else.

I know that my S has some serious issues. I know that he doesn't love the way I do. I know he doesn't process things the same way I do. We see and feel life differently. I don't really think either of our ways are the right way.

Wouldn't a hybrid socio/empath be so perfect?

I know he has cheated on me and lied to me. I am a smart person and I am not easily fooled. And I know my S really really well, so it's easy for me to sense when he's lying. I just chose to go along with his lies because I knew it was more peaceful to let him be than to question him. Now, mind you, I haven't always had that kind of control, it's been a learned quality of mine. I have confronted him multiple times, but I always ended up more emotionally battered in the end.

Honestly, the ONLY part that bothers me about it is that I could have easily gotten a horrible disease from him because of his escapades. I know that my S loves/loved me and what he did was independent of that fact. It had nothing to do with me and it was not done against me, but still I'm glad to be disease free right now.

Some of you will think I'm completely nuts and that's fine. I might be. Maybe I have been trained too well by my dear S.

The fact of the matter is I love my S with all of my heart. And I highly doubt that if anyone else knew everything about him that they would extend the same unconditional love. Most people would run the other way and some of them have. That actually scares me for him, because I worry that he will never again really be loved for who he is...only for the person he is currently pretending to be.

You can only be loved to the extent that you are known. Empath or Sociopath alike. I think even Socios want to be loved for the real person they are. Maybe not all of you, but a large number of you. It has to be nice to take the mask off once in a while and be who you really are.

I do love you my sweet S. More than you'll probably ever be able to understand.

How to: Handle a Sociopath

My S used to make jokes about "training" people all the time. He liked to try and help people to become what he thought they should be. And for the most part, who he wanted them to be was a better version of themselves. He was good at it and as he says , he was "changing lives".

If you are an E and you love an S and want to keep your S happy, here are a few pointers for how to "manage" them. You will not get them to change, but it will help you to stop the arguing and help you to deal better with the ways of a true S and to enjoy who your S truly is.

• Don't accuse them of anything. An S does not like to be confronted or accused of anything they have done. Even if it's refutable and true, they will deny it. Accusing them only makes them angry (or amused), which will only frustrate you.
• Don't share your personal experiences with your S with anyone. Not their family, not your friends and definitely not friends of your S. They like to keep private things private and if they have allowed you into their secretive world, they expect you to keep everything to yourself.
• Don't start drama. If you are fighting with your S, refer to #2. Don't go around telling people. Your S will find out, they are smart and they know exactly what an E will do. If you start drama, you look stupid and they get angry. 
• Don't demand anything of an S. They like to be in control. Always. You may think you are standing up for your manhood or womanhood, but in reality, you are trying to get some control because you are scared to lose your S. Find a way to suggest something you want your S to do or do for you and make it seem like their idea.
• Have lots of sex. An S loves sex and they don;t care all the time who it comes from. So put out as much as possible and do your best not to freak out if you find out your S has been with someone else. It has nothing to do with you not does it mean your S doesn't love you.
• Role play with your S. One of the coolest and scariest things about an S is that they can become anything that want to be. They like to have the choice of different lives, so cater to that. Change up who you are so that they are constantly guessing. It will keep the attention of your S.
• Take care of yourself. You are not the most important person to your S, they are the most important person in their lives. They will love you, even for just a time, but when they leave, you cannot fall apart. You have to start taking care of yourself now.

Socios and Prostitutes.

I have a friend, N, who is also a socio, like my S. He and I get each other. He thinks it's amusing that I am a super, hyper sensitive Empath and also charming that I find his socio ways fascinating. We truly get along great.

N is a really attractive guy, he constantly has beautiful women throwing themselves at him and he takes advantage of that as much as possible. N also hooks up with prostitutes. Which I always find interesting with socios, why pay for sex when it is so easy for you to pick up a girl at a bar or a Circle K even? N explains it to me that prostitutes are something you pay for, which dehumanizes them even more and in a sense makes you a god. They have to do what you are paying them to do and you don;t have to fake emotions with them or promise to call later. The deed is done, you pay for what you pay for and get the heck out of there when you've gotten what you wanted.

Makes sense. I completely get it. Not something I would ever want to try, but it makes sense. I know of a lot of women who are devastated when they find out that their socio has been with prostitutes, especially when they are unattractive prostitutes. I say, be glad that your socio isn't investing a ton of time into another relationship. Many socios have a sex addiction, so this is their version of stocking up on cigarettes.

And again, it has nothing to do with you my Empath friends. Nothing at all. It may affect you, but you have to train yourself not to let it bother you. It really has nothing to do with you.