I write mostly about why I love my S so much or ways that I have discovered how to deal with being in a relationship with my S, but there are times when it is extremely painful for me. For the most part I have learned how to accept who he is and live in a fantasy world, but tonight isn't one of those nights.
Over 1000 miles away, my dad is in the hospital and it is awful for me. I moved a few months ago for a job offer. I felt ok accepting the position because he seemed to be doing better. He suffers from a traumatic brain injury that happened about three years ago. He had a lot of ups and mostly downs for the first couple of years and then sort of leveled off.
But I got a call from my brother saying that he fell a day ago and nobody knew. Which means my dad had been laying on the floor of his apartment for an entire day because of a seizure and he had with no one to help him.
Breaks my heart. And there's nothing I can do.
After being reassured that things are fine for now, I call my S. I want to hear his voice. I want to just have him say that he loves me and ask if I am doing ok.
But no. He's not answering my calls or texts.
It sucks at times my dear E's. I'll admit it.
It's the life I have chosen to live but tonight I am wishing I had another choice.